50 States of Crazy
by The Rambler13
Summary: The world conference building has been destroyed, and that means the meeting now has to take place at America's house... Uh-oh. In come the states! ...and what the heck are they doing? T purely out of paranoia.
1. Chapter 1

So.

This is it. My first story.

Ever.

...please enjoy?

The world conference building had been destroyed due to a pasta, hamburger, and tentacle related incident.

Hence the meeting that was taking place at America's house.

Alfred grinned as England (FINALLY) finished talking, and jumped up to start a long discussion on how giant robots could stop global warming.

Suddenly, wailing came from down the hall, and three sets of feet could be heard charging towards the meeting room. Seconds later,a bawling toddler came hurtling into the room, closely followed by two slightly older children, both of whom were crying as well. The youngest, a little boy who looked like a carbon copy of Alfred, scrambled up into the country's arms, his breath coming in panicky gulps. The other little boy—no more than four, by England's guess—buried his face in America's pant leg, sniffling. The little girl, four as well, clutched a stuffed dolphin to her chest with one arm and huddled close to Alfred, staring out at all the countries with wide eyes.

Alfred gave a tired sigh, quickly calming the three children down and setting the youngest on the ground beside the other two. "It's okay, guys. Let me guess. California again?"

The youngest child nodded and burst into tears again. America picked him up with a sigh, resting him on his hip.

He turned to face the other countries. England was staring at him like he'd grown another head. France was in a similar state. Germany just looked confused, as did Japan. Russia glanced at the children, frowning slightly as his eyes reached the elder boy. "Guys? What's...? Oh! Yeah, I forgot. None of you know yet... 'cept you, Russia. I can't believe you actually kept your promise, ya Commie. Anyway, I can explain. I—"

"DADDY!" The oldest boy gave a shrill squeal when he spotted Russia, running to the tall nation.

"Aleksei Jones—!" Alfred scolded, then bit his lip.

Russia patted the little boy's head. "Hello Aleksei."

"Hi! I missed you Daddy! But lookit! I have lots of big brothers and sisters now, see? And I got Leila and Michael and Arthur says I gotta protect them like a good big brother and I love you Daddy!" the child babbled happily.

At this, Ivan actually smiled. Everyone else quaked in terror.

"ALFRED F. JONES! YOU HAD BETTER EXPLAIN RIGHT THIS MINUTE OR—"

"Okay! Jeesh, Iggy. I was about to explain, but Aleksei interrupted. And the poor kid had every reason to interrupt, you wouldn't BELIEVE how much he talks about Russia." Alfred paused to glance up at the northern nation. "He really does miss you. Don't know why on earth he would, but he does."

Aleksei did not let go of Russia, giggling happily as the long scarf tickled his nose.

The little girl looked around the room. Her eyes finally rested on Japan.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Kiku looked up at the others. "…what did I do?"

Alfred just heaved yet another sigh. "Leila, come on, Pearl Harbor was YEARS ago."

"Pearl Har...? Oh." Japan suddenly remembered. He looked down guiltily.

"Geez man, it's fine. We did way worse to you than you did us..." Alfred patted the other man's shoulder reassuringly, wincing slightly at the memory.

The two-year-old still in Alfred's arms just clung to him tightly.

"Okay, if we're all done now, would you please just EXPLAIN ALREADY?!" England sighed in exasperation.

Alfred grinned. "Sure! Okay, so first things first: these are my kids!"

"WHAT?!"

"VHAT?!"

"_MON DIEU_!"

_"SANTA MARIA_!"

"_MIO DIO_!"

"...Oh my."

Everyone stared at Japan.

"What? I am not surprised by very much anymore."

"ANYWAYS, like I said, these are my kids. Not all of them, but they're the youngest, which is why they still live in my house. The other states are pretty much able to take care of themselves." Alfred grinned, then frowned. "Virginia was supposed to be watching them for me..."

"Bloody hell! The states? You mean you have fifty kids?!" England's jaw dropped, along with everyone else's.

"Fifty-one, actually," America replied cheerfully.

_THUMP_.

"Angleterre!"

Aleksei giggled. "Daddy, Mister Iggy went night-night!"

"Дa." Russia smiled, as cheerful and childish as the four-year-old on his shoulders.

America sighed. "I need Virginia..."

As if on cue, the meeting room doors burst open, and a college-age boy with glasses and light brown hair ran in. "Sorry Dad! Cal was being stupid again and scaring them with his dumb horror movies, and they ran away while I was yelling at him."

Every nation in the room looked at each other at Alfred's being called "Dad". France looked like he was going to faint onto the floor right next to the now-revived England.

Finland raised a shaky hand. "...I'm confused."

Alfred bit his lip. "C'mon in, Arthur. I need someone to hold Michael for me while I explain all this."

"_ARTHUR_?!" England practically shrieked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I named Virginia after you, 'cause when he's really mad he starts talking like you."

"Alfred," England said in a dangerously calm voice, "You. Are. An. Imbecile."

"Yeah, he's an idiot. I can't say I like having your name much either, stupid limey," Arthur II said with a withering look at England.

"Okay... um, let's all calm down now. Please?" Alfred shifted uncomfortably as his brother and son glared at each other.

"Okay dad," Virginia grumbled, looking away from England and adjusting his hold on the youngest child.

"Okay. First things first, this is Virginia—"

Arthur II stepped forward. "Hi." His blue eyes gleamed rather wickedly when he spotted a few of the countries America was on less-than-friendly terms with. He shifted the whimpering toddler to his other hip.

"His human name is Arthur Jones. The four-year-old attempting to build a tent out of Russia's scarf is Alaska."

Everyone turned to the little boy with Russia's pale hair and skin, but unmistakable blue eyes like America's. He waved shyly.

"He's technically Russia's kid and mine, don't ask about the details, 'cause I don't get it either, and his name is Aleksei Jones. The one hiding from Kiku is Hawaii, or Leila." The small, dark-haired girl mumbled a quiet, "hi," before hiding back behind America.

"And the kid Virginia's holding is the District of Columbia."

There were several confused looks.

Virginia sighed. "Washington D.C."

"...Your capital is almost as old as you, why is he so little?" England frowned at the two-year-old sucking his thumb.

"Well, it's kind of confusing, but the main gist is that most people don't realize he's not part of any state. So he's little, like Sealand and the micronations, beacause he's not recognised by many people," Alfred explained.

Washington D.C. looked up with wide, scared eyes at the very, very big countries that were all looking at him. He started wailing again.

"...and he cries a lot," Virginia added with a sigh. "Michael, hush. They're not going to hurt you."

Michael sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Reawwy?"

"Really," Virginia promised.

Suddenly, the doors banged open yet AGAIN.

Alfred sighed to himself. How many of his kids were going to interrupt this meeting?!

A boy with wild blond hair that stuck up in the front similarly to America's stormed into the room. He looked very similar to Alfred, but his hair was slightly longer, his eyes the same color as Germany's.

"MICHAEL IS CRYING. WHO MADE MY BABY CRY?!" He looked around the room, eyes blazing.

"Matthias, calm down, D.C. is fine." Virginia was rubbing his forehead the way England did when he was getting a headache. The blond boy snatched the toddler away from Arthur II and hugged him, glaring at each country in turn. He held D.C. as tightly as he possibly could, as though he was scared of him disappearing if he let go.

"Maryland... say hello to the countries." Alfred smiled he spoke. Maryland glared at him. "Uh... okay. Never mind. Ummm... guys, this is Maryland. Or Matthias, if you want to call him by his human name."

"Come on, Ginny." Maryland glared at everyone once more, grabbed Virginia, then dragged him out of the meeting room, D.C. giggling in Virginia's arms as the darker-haired state blushed furiously, stammering something along the lines of, 'Don't call me Ginny!'.

Alfred turned bright red as everyone stared at him. "Uhhh... Yeah... D.C. is their kid, kimda like Alaska for me and Russia—again, don't bug me about the details, I don't have a clue—and they can both get ...really ...protective. Especially Maryland."

"Vhat are the other States like?" Germany looked curiously at the only two States still in the room, Alaska—who had finally left Russia alone for a while—and Hawaii, both of whom were playing with Italy.

America looked up. "Huh?"

"Where are the other states?" This time it was Japan who asked.

"Well, Ohio, North Dakota, North and South Carolina, and Maryland and Virginia are all visiting for the week. And I think California's here, too. The little guys don't get that all his Hollywood stuff isn't real, so they're terrified of him. But, I dunno. They all kinda come and go as they please. Anyways, you guys wanna meet them?"

There was a chorus of various affirmatives in several languages, as well as one or two no's.

America beamed. "Okay, majority rules. Let's go meet the states!"

There's the end of chapter one! How did I do?

Prussia: eh... Okay, I guess.

Rambler: What the heck are you doing here?!

Prussia: I have decided to take a break from invading vital regions and invade author's notes instead!

Rambler: ... I honestly have no response for that.

Prussia: I AM AWESOME. BYE!

Okay. He's gone. Here's the plan: I'm going to post this now. I have chapter two written already. If anyone reviews, I will post Chapter 2 immediately. If not, I will post it next week.

Here are cookies for you all:

(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)


	2. Chapter 2

Special thanks to Czech Republic and Germany—you know who you are.

*Screams* LOOK. LOOK. AT THAT BEAUTIFUL LITTLE NUMBER TWO. I can't believe you guys like this!

Prussia: Oh, joy. -.- Two whole reviews.

Rambler: SHUSH. This is the best thing EVER EVER EVEEEEEEER.

Prussia: Oh yeah, since we forgot last chapter; Rambler doesn't own us! *cackles maniacally* I AM FREE.

Rambler: Not really. Oh look, is that Germany coming?

Prussia: AHHHH WHERE *Runs like a bat out of hell*

Rambler: Phew, he's gone. Now on with the story!

Hawaii clung to Alaska's hand. The tiny girl was still cowering every time she saw Japan, but she seemed to be slowly warming up to the other countries. She even let Alaska introduce her to Russia.

"Hey 'Leksei..?"

"What?"

"Why aren't you scared of Mr. Japan?"

"He's not scary! Both my daddies are way bigger than him, and they could stop him from hurting us easy! An' besides, Daddy says he's actually really nice, he just had a mean Boss that told him to hurt you!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! C'mon, I bet he wants to say hi! Let's go!" Aleksei practically dragged Hawaii over. "Hey Mister Japan! Leila wants to say hi!"

The Asian nation looked up from the notebook he had been jotting new manga ideas in. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the tiny girl trembling before him.

Alaska skipped off to go play with his daddy Russia some more.

"H-h-hi Mr. Kiku."

Japan knelt so he was at her level. "Are you Hawaii?"

She nodded, trembling.

Japan smiled gently. "Hello. I have been wanting to see you for a very long time."

"Really?"

"Yes. It is very nice to meet you." Japan stood up and offered his hand.

Hawaii sniffled, then reached up to take it.

Together, they turned and walked back to the others.

America led everyone up the stairs. Hawaii and Alaska followed, giggling. Hawaii would occasionally run up and grab Japan's sleeve, tugging on it to ask a question.

Every door had a handmade sign with a name on it. Stopping at the door with the oval shaped pink and green sign reading, 'Ohio', America knocked.

"Mackenzie!"

"Coming, Dad!"

Suddenly, a blur of leather shot past everyone.

"KENZIE! YOU ARE SO DEAD. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. TO DEATH. UNTIL YOU DIE." A boy with black hair and dark green eyes pounded on the door, screaming nonsensical death threats. His leather jacket looked much too big, but he seemed not to care. Germany and England exchanged a look. "I AM GOING TO—owwwwwww," the teenager whined, suddenly dangling several inches off the ground in his father's grip.

Alaska and Hawaii whimpered slightly.

"Andrew! How many times have I told you not to argue with your sister? She did nothing to deserve the death threats."

"But she's EVIL."

"So are you, so you two should stop arguing and be evil together!" America seemed to have had this argument many times. "If you're bored, go babysit D.C. for Virginia and Maryland or something."

"Fine, Dad." The boy stomped off.

WHUMP.

France fainted. England looked like he was plenty close to joining him. "...how many children did you say again?"

"Fifty-one." America replied.

"Are they all...?"

"Crazy?" America had to think about it. "No. Ohio! C'mon!"

"What?" A rather annoyed-looking girl with glasses similar to Virginia's and pale skin yanked open the door and stuck her head out. Her hair was bright red and curly, barely restrained by her headbands. "I'm trying to help N.D. with her homework." Another girl, this one in a flannel pink and blue shirt, looked out too. The two looked about the same age, fifteen or sixteen.

"Dad. Why is there an unconscious man on the floor? And who the heck are all these people?" The first girl —Ohio, everyone assumed—sighed as she spoke.

"Uh... this is Italy, Germany, Prussia, England, France—no, I don't know why he's unconscious—Japan—"

"And my daddy!" Alaska giggled, hugging Russia's leg.

Ohio glared at England, muttering something about 1812, then turned to the others.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Ohio, or Mackenzie Marie Jones." She stuck out her hand.

"Hello." Russia smiled his creepy smile.

"Owwww..." France moaned from the floor. "Angleterre, my beautiful face is damaged."

"Shut up, Frog." England shook Ohio's hand hesitantly. She glared at him.

"Hi! I'm North Dakota—most people call me ND. My human name's Piper Jones." The girl in the plaid shirt stuck her hand out as well, grabbing England and shaking his hand vigorously.

America hid a snicker behind his hand as his former guardian was shaken up and down by the force of the handshake.

Suddenly, the smoke detector went off. America swore, turning to charge down the stairs. "MASS! IF I FIND YOU IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN, I SWEAR TO GOD—!"

Not knowing what else to do, the nations all followed.

Virginia stuck his head out a door further down the hallway, this one painted with the name, "Maryland" in blue and gold. "What's going on...?"

Maryland joined him. D.C. hugged their legs and peered out shyly.

Glancing up, Maryland spotted the smoke detectors with a groan. "Stay here. I'll help Dad with Mass."

Virginia nodded and picked D.C. up. The tiny child squirmed, trying to get loose. "Wan' down!"

"Not right now, Mikey. Let's go play trains instead. That sound good?"

"Thomas choo-choo!"

Virginia smiled at this. "Okay. Let's go."

Maryland gave a rare smile, then turned and ran after the nations.

America stormed into the kitchen and found a boy with messy blond hair and green eyes melting a doll of some sort on the stove. He seemed entranced by it, fascinated with the way the paint melted, slowly disfiguring the plastic features.

"ALEXANDER JONES!" America looked like this had happened one too many times before.

Suddenly, Hawaii screamed.

"MY DOLLY!"The tiny girl immediately started bawling. Japan quickly picked her up and tried to calm her down.

"Oh, now you've REALLY done it, young man." Everyone stared. It was weird seeing America act... mature.

The boy looked up, grinning. "Look, dad. It's so cool..." He stared into the flames as if in a trance.

"Alexander. Why is Hawaii's Barbie doll on the kitchen stove?"

"I dunno," came the the muttered reply. The boy—Alexander?—never took his eyes off the fire.

"Massachusetts...!"

Just then, a ten-year-old girl with black hair burst into the kitchen, leading a boy about Virginia and Massachusetts' age.

He wore a black leather jacket similar to Michigan's, as well as a black T-shirt that said, "Why me?" in white letters. "Mass! What are you doing?!" His dark eyebrows furrowed as he saw Massachusetts melting the Barbie.

"N.Y.! You're back!" Melting doll entirely forgotten, Alexander tackled the new boy with an expression of pure joy. "You were gone for-eveeeeeer! I got so bored I melted another one of Leila's dolls!"

"Hi Mass." Apparently completely unfazed by being tackled by the ecstatic teen, the boy gave a half-smile.

"Welcome back, New York." America grinned at the state. "How was it in Moscow?"

"Painful. Ivan,ya really need to control the Bratva..." New York glanced up at Russia.

"Da... I am trying..." the Eurasian nation looked regretful.

"Did you get attacked?!" Massachusetts—who STILL hadn't moved—looked up worriedly.

"Eh... kinda. I'm fine, though. Nothin' Texas couldn't fix."

"You. Went to TEXAS. For help?!"

"Okay so maybe it was a little more serious than it sounds..."

"THE ONLY REASON YOU WOULD EVER EVEN TALK TO HIM IS IF YOU WERE ****ING DYING!" Massachusetts leapt to his feet.

America looked down at New York with worry. "Are you okay, James?"

"Yeah, Dad. Like I said, Tex fixed me up. I'm good now."

"Dad! He could be bleeding to death under his t-shirt or something! Or maybe he got shot, or his ribs are broken, or—!"

"Massachusetts, as much as we all love New York, let's let him keep his shirt on." Alexander sighed and stopped attempting to check New York for injuries. "James, you say Texas is here?"

"Yeah. Down the basement."

"TEEEEEEEXAAAAAAAAS!" America yelled. "COME UPSTAIRS FOR A MINUTE!"

A muffled, "coming!" could be heard, and then the sour of footsteps on the stairs.

"Alfred...? Is this a normal occurrence?" England looked confused and slightly afraid.

"Nah. Normally they look bloodier if they're going to Texas for help."

"...why Texas?"

The ten-year-old who had run in with New York spoke up. "He's the state with the most hospitals, so he's kind of our default doctor."

"Thank you, Arizona." America nodded at the girl.

"I think Virginia is really the only other person who knows anything about taking care of us, and that's 'cause he's the one who gets stuck watching us if we're sick," she continued.

"God, the Great Depression was awful. None of us could even get out of bed, remember?" New York groaned.

"He and Texas still took care of everyone though," Maryland added. "I think Ginny passed out in the hallway once or twice... and none of us even knew, because we were all too sick to care."

There was a solemn moment among the states.

Massachusetts finally broke the silence.

"...I'm telling him you called him Ginny."

Just then, a cheerful boy around eighteen waltzed into the kitchen wearing cowboy boots. "Howdy. Whatcha need, Dad?"

"What's wrong with N.Y.?"

The boy's grin disappeared. "Uh... ya want the list?"

Massachusetts whirled to give the other state a death glare. New York shrugged innocently back.

"Go ahead." America sighed and unconsciously tugged on Nantucket.

"Three ribs broken—two hairline fractures and one shattered, a black eye, dislocated shoulder, sprained wrist, bloody nose, split lip, assorted bruises basically everywhere, and two stab wounds, most likely caused by a hunting knife or dagger, don't hurt me Massy."

Everyone looked up in confusion at this last part, only to understand as they registered the sight of Massachusetts advancing on Texas with murderous intent.

"Hey! It was the Russian Mafia! Not Tex! Cool it, Mass!" New York literally dragged the other state back.

"I don't care! He could have TOLD me you were hurt!" Massachusetts whirled around to glare at New York. "And YOU. You, sir, are in HUGE trouble! If you get hurt, then freaking tell me!"

"Angleterre, they remind you of us, non?" France elbowed the island nation.

"Huh?" Massachusetts looked up and realized for the first time that there were several more people than usual in the room. His green eyes narrowed as he spotted England. "You..."

England glared back.

"Mass... don't do anything crazy, okay...?" New York hesistantly reached out a hand.

WHACK!

"Don't you touch me! I'm still mad at you. And I'll do whatever the hell I feel like! He deserves it!"

America examined Massachusetts and then England. "Ya know, I never noticed it before, but you look a lot like him, Mass. Heck, you even act like him sometimes!"

Alexander's eyes widened.

"Oui! I see it too! The resemblance is uncanny!" France piped up.

"Oh God..." New York buried his head in his hands. He looked like he wanted to melt into the floor as he watched England and Massachusetts glare first at each other, then at America and France.

Massachusetts fingered the lighter he constantly carried. "I propose a temporary truce so we can kill them."

England considered. "Agreed. Shall we?"

"America-san, you may want to run..." Japan looked over at the hamburger-loving nation.

"HEY! Mass! Iggy! I have a better plan than killing me!" America grabbed New York by the arm. "Take them both to the firing range or something. Somehing violent that lets off steam."

"Okay, Dad." New York quickly grabbed Massachusetts and England and ran off.

"Okay. Now that THAT'S over with, let's eat! I'm starving!"

Everyone sighed. Typical America...

Maryland turned to his father. "Should I go get the others...?"

"I'll help!" Arizona offered.

Texas shrugged. "I will too."

Suddenly, twangy notes sounded from the hallway.

A voice from one of the bedrooms groaned loudly. "Oh, for the love of—KENTUCKY! Will you PLEASE stop playing that godforsaken banjo?!"

"Awww... but I was working on a new piece!"

America sighed. "Maryland, could you go separate W.V. and Kentucky again? Tell Kentucky to come in here and help me make lunch."

The quiet state nodded and walked down the hallway. Several seconds later,dragging a girl about fourteen and a banjo-wielding boy about sixteen.

The girl pouted and crossed her arms. "Daaaaad! Tucker is being annoying!"

"West, can't you just buy a set of ear plugs? I mean, c'mon, he's not THAT bad. The rest of us are sick of you two constantly screaming about the darn thing," Texas sighed.

"Did somebody say West?" Prussia popped up, dragging Germany with him.

America just shook his head. "Sorry, Gil. He means West Virgina. Everyone, this is West Virginia—" he gestured to the girl, who glared at them. "—and this is Kentucky." The boy with the banjo grinned. "Elizabeth and Tucker Jones."

"Hi!" Kentucky waved.

West Virgina just folded her arms and kicked Texas in the shin.

-LONG RAMBLING AUTHOR'S NOTE-

Okay! There you guys go. ...Mass is a little girly, isn't he?

And the historical notes: (some for last chapter too.)

Notes:

-Maryland and Virginia both gave up land to form the capital, which isn't part of any state and is its own independant governing body. Hence them kinda being his parents (Awkward...)

-Massachusetts is a bit of a pyromaniac because of the Salem witch trials held in Massachusetts in the 1600s. 'Witches" were burned at the stake. He sets stuff on fire when he gets bored or upset.

-Massachusetts and England hate each other because of the Revolutionary War, which started in Massachusetts.

-Texas really does have the most hospitals of any state.

-Bratva = Russian mafia (organized crime/gangs)

Now for my reviewers... I LOVE YOU ALL.

Cookies for you two as promised: (::) (::) (::) (::) And SHARE.

Special thanks to Thatcheerfullittlewriter—my very first review ever! I love you! And I'm glad you thought it was awesome!

And to Sadie: You liked the cookies? Yay! I would love to add Indiana—I"m trying to give all fifty (and D.C.) at least one speaking line—but I don't know much about them. T.T PLEASE HELP ME.

And to anyone else who reads this: PLEASE give me some info on the states! I've done a ton of research, but I want to get some more info. So if you know something cool about a state, I'd love to know!


	3. Chapter 3

Here we go, people! Like the cover image? I drew it myself, so it isn't that great... T.T

Disclaimer: Me no own.

CH. 3

While Texas hopped around on one leg in pain, America turned to Arizona. "Can you go get Virginia? Everyone is hungry, and I have no clue how we'll feed them all. He can help make lunch."

"Sure, Dad!" Arizona saluted and ran off.

Just then, England and Massachusetts walked in, dragging along New York, who now looked as hurt as Texas had said he was. "He's getting worse, Dad." Massachusetts jerked his head in his brother's direction.

Maryland stepped forward, looked at New York for a solid minute, and then grabbed him and threw him unceremoniously over his shoulder.

New York's eyes widened. "What the—?! Put me down! NOW!"

Maryland appeared deaf to his cries. "You need to sleep."

Massachusetts snickered, watching as New York kicked and struggled the whole way up the stairs. Virginia, who was walking down carrying D.C., stopped and watched bemusedly as Maryland walked past him. Alfred bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

When Virginia reached him, America spoke. "We need to make lunch for every nation here. Can you help?"

"Sure. Hawaii, Alaska, come with me. You guys can make some lemonade, okay? Kentucky, Texas, and West Virginia, you help DC and I make sandwiches." Virginia herded his three youngest siblings into the kitchen, the others following obediently behind.

Maryland, who had apparently convinced New York to calm down, watched with a slight grin. "He hates that 'Mother of the States' nickname, but honestly, it suits him."

America rubbed the back of his neck a little self-consciously. "Yeah... don't tell him I came up with that. I don't want to die."

England rolled his eyes.

America led everyone into the dining room. "It'll be a pain making enough food for you all. It's a good thing my table seats fifty."

England gave him a look.

"What? We gotta sit SOMEWHERE at Thanksgiving!"

Suddenly, two girls in bikinis ran into the room. They looked identical, although one wore an American flag bikini and the other wore... was that the confederate flag? The one in the American flag suit had her hair in two ponytails, while her twin—because they had to be twins—had a single high ponytail. Both had curly blonde hair.

England stared at them. "What are you two wearing?!"

France stared at them. He just smiled.

"Dad! We're back from visiting Flora. Where is everyone?" The one in the confederate bathing suit folded her arms and glared at America. It was clear that she didn't get along with him well.

The door opened. Virginia looked inside, saw the girl in the confederate suit, and promptly closed it again, Alaska and Hawaii sneaking in fearfully past him.

"Uh... hi, Caroline." America gave a nervous smile. "Guys... this is South Carolina. And that's North Carolina over there." He pointed to the one in the American flag suit. "Caroline and Nora Jones."

"Oooh! We have company!" North Carolina grinned. "Yay!" She ran over to Japan (he was the closest) and threw her arms around him. Hawaii just stared, now holding Japan's hand.

Japan's eyes grew wide. "Ah! Personal space! Personal space!"

China quickly tugged her away. "Let go of Japan-aru!"

South Carolina's expression turned dark. "You. Touched. My. Sister!" She drew an almost ridiculously large gun out from seemingly nowhere. She seemed to be exuding an evil aura like Russia's.

America and Russia exchanged looks and slowly started to back away. Alaska gulped. They all knew where this was going.

The other nations just looked on in slightly fearful confusion.

North Carolina saw what her twin was doing and beamed. "I love this game!" With a smile, she pulled out a matching gun.

South Carolina prepared to fire.

However, before anyone could move, a huge water bomb fell on their heads from the ceiling. "ATTACK!" screamed a voice from above.

The Carolinas happily complied.

America and Russia dove under the table, hiding. Alaska tried to crawl out and join the war, but America kept a tight hold on him, holding him on his lap.

South Carolina fired, hitting England squarely in the chest. He fell back, eyes wide, only to realize ...it was water?

The squirt gun war was on, and the nations were scrambling for cover. More water bombs rained down from the unseen person above.

"DIE, YOU!" South Carolina yelled with a wild war cry, bearing down on China from on top of the table.

North Carolina, while happy, was fierce. She shot every nation in sight, grinning wickedly. "Hawaii! Aleksei! Come join us!" she called. Her twin threw two small water pistols towards them.

Hawaii ran for the first pistol and charged after Sweden. "DIE!" the tiny girl shrieked.

Alaska looked from the pistols to America and Russia, and back again. Before they could stop him, he darted away from his "daddies" and ran for the squirt gun.

He raced after Hawaii, helping take down Sweden, who was quite frankly terrified by the fact that two four-year-olds were attempting to kill him with water pistols.

America sighed under the table. "Betrayed by my own kids."

Russia smiled slightly, then ducked as South Carolina fired at the table, his smile disappearing. "Amerika, your children are not normal."

"I know, big guy. Believe me."

Suddenly, the door opened again, anda short girl with huge eyes walked straight into the center of the room, completely ignoring everything around her.

She stopped, took a deep breath, and screamed at the top of her lungs. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP! NOW!" And with that, she turned and walked back out of the room.

Virginia came in. "Thanks, Rhode Island!" he called after her.

Everyone was frozen in place. South Carolina had one hand around China's neck, the other on her gun. North Carolina had one leg in the air, balancing precariously. Alaska and Hawaii were still aiming at Sweden, who had wisely surrendered. England and Japan were hugging each other out of sheer terror. America and Russia were cowering under the table. Everyone else was frozen in various odd positions, all staring at Virginia.

"Dad, Russia, you can come out now. And Alaska, Hawaii, let Mr. Sweden go! Why are you trying to kill him? Caroline, you are in so much trouble. And you too, Florida!" he called up to the ceiling.

"Drat!" A girl in a yellow bikini similar to North and South Carolina's dropped down from the rafters with an armful of water balloons. Her nose was sunburnt, and she had sun-bleached blonde hair. She turned to Nora. "That was epic!" They high-fived.

"All three of you are grounded," America stated flatly, crawling out from under the table.

"Awww..." North Carolina and Florida groaned in unison.

"But why?!" South Carolina crossed her arms.

"Because you somehow got Alaska and Hawaii to attempt to kill Sweden! And because you almost strangled China," he added to South Carolina.

"Hmph."

"You can stay down here for lunch, but after that you're going to your rooms. Virginia, is the food ready?"

"Yeah. I sent Texas to go get everyone."

Just then, the door opened, and Ohio, North Dakota, Andrew, Texas, Arizona, Kentucky, New York, Massachusetts, West Virginia, Maryland, and Rhode Island all walked in, along with a blonde haired boy and a girl with dark brown hair, who were bickering about something. Maryland carried D.C., who was waving around a wooden train and making rocket sounds.

England turned to Andrew. "What state are you, then?"

"Michigan," he growled, glaring. He and Ohio still held a grudge against England. It was the only thing they seemed to agree on

The states sat down at the table, all munching on various sandwiches. Hawaii and Alaska climbed into their chairs, scrambling up into the seats that were almost as tall as they were. Maryland put D.C. down in the seat between them.

"Okay... um... I guess you guys can just take what food you want." America shrugged. He grabbed his hamburger and started eating.

The nations all got their food and ate it, watching America's children as they did.

Virginia was trying to get Alaska to stop playing with his carrots, while Hawaii and D.C. giggled and cheered Aleksei on. Maryland was watching Virginia with a barely surpressed smile, trying not to laugh. New York was so tired he nearly slumped forward into his food. Massachusetts was talking animatedly beside him, not really paying attention to his brother. Arizona was laughing at something Texas had said, while the two mysterious teens continued their argument and barely touched their food.

England frowned in his seat next to America. "Alfred, who are those two?" He gestured to the pair who were arguing quite loudly now.

"Waugh? Oh. Thoth awre Caw an Newatha," America explained tthrough a mouthful of hamburger.

England shuddered as tiny bits of hamburger flew towards him. "Ugh. Could you please chew with your mouth closed? I raised you better than this..."

Alfred swallowed a huge bite and grinned. "Those are Cal and Nevada. They argue a lot. Hey California! Nevada!"

Everyone else quieted down, making the arguing even louder.

"Hello? Ever heard of LAS VEGAS?"

"Hollywood is world famous!"

"Gambling!"

"Actors!"

"Drinking!"

"Movies!"

"Fakery!"

"Sin City!"

"Oh yeah? Well—"

"ENOUGH." America shushed them both. "Can't you just both agree already? You're both fine. Who cares which of you has the entertainment capitol of the world?"

"WE DO," they said at the same time. Both of them glared at America.

"Ugh... Okay, fine. Oh, and Cal?"

"Yeah?" The blonde boy looked up.

"You're grounded for scaring Alaska, Hawaii, and D.C. No video camera for a month."

"What?! But how else will I make my movies?!"

"You can still come surfing with me!" Hawaii tried to cheer her big brother up.

"Maybe you should've thought about that before you scared them." Ameirca raised an eyebrow.

"But Dad—!"

"Ha!" The girl with dark hair—probably Nevada—jumped up. "If you can't make movies, then I win! Las Vegas is better than Los Angeles, so there!"

"Oh, shut up Nevada," Michigan said with a glare. He pulled his leather jacket a little tighter and looked at California.

The blonde-haired state folded his arms and glared at America for a solid minute. Finally, he gave in, throwing up his hands. "Fine! See if I care!"

America turned back iinto his usual happy self. "Okay!" He munched on yet another hamburger, grinning. Everyone else scooted their chairs away from him a little. America was unpredictable, which made him terrifying.

Japan watched everyone silently, eating Pocky. "Would you like some?" He turned to North Dakota, the state closest to him.

She beamed. "Sure! Thanks!"

America jumped out of his seat. "No! Don't give her—!"

It was too late. North Dakota grinned and chomped down on the Pocky stick.

Virginia and Maryland paled. The three littlest states hugged each other in terror. America and Russia looked at each other. Massachusetts grabbed New York and hugged him. New York just blinked sleepily, looking confused. Nevada and California both stopped arguing to back away slowly.

North Dakota's eyes widened, and her smile seemed to stretch impossibly wide. She grinned evilly and ran out of the room.

"Oh no... where is she going?" Ohio sighed.

"...please don'tet it be where I think it is." Virginia closed his eyes as if expecting the world to end.

Suddenly, there was maniacal laughter from down the hall. "NUKE THE RUSSKIES!"

Virginia groaned.

Russia paled. "Amerika... should I be worried?"

America yanked out his cell phone, dialing faster then should be humanly possible.

The person on the other end picked up after two rings. "Hel—"

"DON'T KILL RUSSIA," America blurted out quickly.

"...what?"

Alfred took a deep breath. "Bill, did one of my kids just call you?"

"Yeah. North Dakota. Why?"

"She wants to nuke Moscow again."

"&%$#, really? ...I'll tell the guys to put the facility on lockdown. How far away is she?"

"We're in Virginia."

"...Mr. Jones, you realize we're in North Dakota up here—"

"Just DO IT. NOW!"

"Yes, sir."

And with that, America hung up. "Okay. As long as she doesn't break in again, we should be good."

"AGAIN?" England asked.

"Break into where?" Spain tilted his head questioningly.

"The world is going to end! Were all going to blow up and DIE! And there might not be pasta in heaven!" Italy started wailing into Germany's sleeve.

Ludwig pried him off. "...if they actually let any of us in, I think pasta would be a small miracle in comparison."

"GUYS!" America had to yell to be heard over all the voices. "Yes, North Dakota has broken into missile bases in her state before. That is why she doesn't get sugar. So don't give her sweet stuff. Got it?"

"Who is Bill?" Maryland asked.

"One of my buddies in the Air Force. A lot of the Midwest states know him. He helps with security around various bases."

"Remember that one time when she actually got one fired?" Ohio shivered.

Russia glared at America. "Fredka... were you ever planning to tell me about this?"

"Uh... maybe?" America backed away slightly. "But hey! In my defense we DID manage to redirect it into the ocean so you didn't die!"

Russia glared.

"Um... you know what? I just remembered I have to do... something. Bye!" Alfred ran.

"Get back here!" Russia chased after him.

"RUN, DADDY!" D.C. yelled.

Virginia sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Oh, Dad..."

-END OF CHAPTER LINE BREAK-

No, Bob is not real. And no, I don't think a missile has ever been fired. (That or Alfred kept quiet about it.)

NOTES:

-The state of Virginia has several nicknames, and one of them is "Mother of the States". When I saw that, I cracked up. Poor Ginny. *stabbed for calling him Ginny*

-South Carolina is where the civil war started, so she doesn't exactly love America most of the time, although now she at least tolerates her dad.

-I have been to North Carolina many times, and the people there are some of the friendliest I have ever met. So Nora loves to give people hugs!

-Florida is the sunshine state, so her nose is permanently sunburned.

-Michigan and Ohio are mad at England because of the war of 1812.

-North Dakota gets hyper/...crazy very easily because (according to my cousin who lives there) people there are very energetic. Although she says to tell you they are not ALL crazy. Just 90% of them are.

-The U.S. has a lot of missiles in North Dakota. Hence the fact that she almost started WWIII.

Oh, and by the way, the reason Russia is wary of the more insane states is because he knows all of America's children, although some he only knows by reputation. (Alaska makes America let him call his Daddy at least once a week.) No other nations know about the states. Or at least, they didn't. Until now..

REVIEWS:

Czech19alfredo: Thank you for your editing skills. And K and Q say hi.

ContinentsconPangaea: I'm working on Pennsylvania—chapter four should have her!

I Am the Leader: Aww! Thanks! And yes, he is a very good daddy. ^.^

Guest: okay! Alabama is an awesome state. I almost added him in in this chapter, but i switched some things around. You should see him in a chapter or two, though! (And of course you aren't stupid!)

Fleeting-Whispers: You ROCK. So much. Thank you sosososososooooooooo much for all the info and help! Did I do okay on Nevada? Let me know, please!

Rosemary: I wasn't planning to update until next week, but thanks to Czech19alfredo, you get your wish! I will try to include Washington and Oregon soon. And thank you for loving this!

STUFF:

THANK YOU to all who faved & followed! And please keep up the great information! I can't even tell you how much help it is!

I will try to update sometime next week, but I'll be super busy, so don't hold your breath... T.T sorry.

See ya next time!

Prussia: Bye! I AM AWESOME.


	4. Chapter 4

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALFRED!**

**Russia: Da, happy birthday little Fredka. *happy bear hug of crushing strength***

**America: thanks... ow... someone please get Russia away from me...**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia wouldn't be as cool if it were mine...**

CH. 4

America ran.

England just stood there with a faintly amused and bored look on his face. Lithuania looked like he was torn between rescuing the American and angering Russia. Prussia was rolling on the floor laughing while Germany shushed him. Virginia looked like he was going to kill America for stupidity alone. Alaska had dissolved into giggles. Maryland was just trying to keep D.C. from running over to Russia and trying to stop him single-handedly.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! COME ON, GUYS! HELP ME!"

"Kolkolkolkolkolkol..."

"Wait!" America suddenly stopped.

Russia glared at him.

America mumbled something under his breath that the others were too far away to hear. Russia seemed to consider for a moment, then nodded.

America trudged back over with a sigh, apparently no longer being chased by the angry Russian.

"What'd you say?" asked Texas curiously. Alfred only shook his head.

There was a rather awkward silence.

"So... moving on... let's go find North Dakota. I have to tame the hyper monster that is her." America turned and led the nations out of the room, the states staying to clear the dishes. (With fifty siblings, you learn pretty quickly that it's best to do your chores fast.)

_KA-BOOM_.

England jumped, reaching instinctively for a weapon thay wasn't there. America only flinched, appearing used to this. Russia looked in the direction the sound had come from. He and America apparently both knew what it was.

Alfred sighed. "FLORA!"

"What?" Florida, now changed out of her bathing suit from the water war, stuck her head in the kitchen door, apparently having been in the back yard.

"Aren't you grounded?" he added.

"Oh, well Al just got here a few minutes ago, and he and I were bored, so we're having a competition!"

"Alabama is back? Huh. I thought he was going to be on vacation with Louisiana for another three days."

"They came back early because of an explosion that Louise may or may not have caused in the hotel... anditwasn'tmyfault," Florida finished quickly.

"Oh, for—did you build _another _homemade bomb?"

"...we were bored, and she was sleeping over my house, so we went on YouTube and learned how. And I kind of dared her to do it..."

America just sighed like this was normal behavior.

A boy with sandy brown hair joined Florida at the door. "Hi, Dad!"

"Al, what exactly is this competition?"

"We decided to make miniature rockets again."

Suddenly, Russia looked up. "Fredka, what is the smell? It can't be...?"

America turned to the two states with a raised eyebrow.

"They go faster if we use real rocket fuel, really!"

"You used _real _rocket fuel?!"

"We broke into NASA."

"Oh lord..."

"We left a note!"

America gave up and turned to the nations. "Guys, this is Alabama, or Allan Jones—"

"Hi!"

"And since I didn't introduce her earlier, Flora, or Florida... who by the way is still grounded and has ten seconds to get to her room before I take away her keys to NASA's labs."

Florida paled. "Later, Al! Don't you dare cheat and mess with my rocket!" She ran off, charging up the stairs two at a time and almost knocking over the black-haired boy coming down.

"Hi Flora," he said with a smirk, apparently used to the younger state. He looked about the same age as America, maybe a year or two younger, but it was obvious that he was a state. He wore a button-down shirt, dress pants, and a tie that was hanging loose around his neck. He also had a suit coat, but it was thrown over his shoulder, no longer being worn. His eyes matched England's exactly.

"Hi Johnny! Can't talk! Bye!" She ran past him and down the hallway, the sound of her bedroom door shutting resonating through the house.

"Breaking her grounding rules again, I take it? Eight seconds... That's a new personal record."

"What are you doing here, Johnny?"

"Ginny called me and told me about the nations being here."

A faint "Don't call me Ginny!" was heard from the direction of the kitchen.

"Wow... he has good ears. Anyways... basically, the fifty are all coming here now. I assembled everyone. Colorado and New Mexico might be late again, though."

"They always are," Virginia said with a sigh, leaning out of the kitchen with a frying pan and dishtowel in his hand.

"Wait, what?" America was looking between Virginia and the slightly older teen (Johnny, apparently).

"Dad. If you want to finally tell them all we exist, you can't ignore me! I'm the oldest state!" Johnny shot America a look.

"Yeah, but I was the oldest colony!" Everyone turned back to the kitchen, where Virginia was pointing his frying pan threateningly at the other state.

There were several groans from the kitchen. Apparently, the other states knew where this was going.

"Yeah, but nobody cares about our colony years, do they? Besides, statewise, you're one of the youngest of the Thirteen."

Virginia threw the dishtowel into the kitchen, ignoring the faint "ow!" and accompanying '_thwack_!'. He stomped past the nations (many of whom wisely jumped out of the way) and up the stairs, frying pan pointed at the state they had by now realized was Delaware.

Several states with soapy dishes and towels peeled out of the kitchen. Maryland was watching silently, calmly drying the plate in his hand. D.C. grabbed his hand, looking up with wide eyes.

Virginia finally reached Delaware, looking murderous.

Maryland sighed and handed a snickering Texas his plate and towel, starting towards the other two states.

Virginia stood in front of his older brother for a minute, then suddenly leapt forward and tackled him, sending them both crashing down the stairs. The nations closest leapt back quickly, apparently smart enough to avoid the tumbling tangle of fists and elbows.

"Immature brat!"

"Braggart!"

"Liar!"

"Idiot!"

"As—"

"_STOP FIGHTING_!"

Virginia and Delaware froze. Delaware had Virginia in a headlock, Virginia about to elbow him in the face. Maryland stood over them, arms folded.

America blinked in surprise. The states looked equally stunned. Maryland never raised his voice. The last time any of them had heard him speak in anything but his usual calm tone was during 9/11.

Without another word, Maryland dragged them apart, picked Virginia up (the younger state was surprisingly light), and carried him off, leaving the others gazing after them in confusion.

D.C. ran over and grabbed America's hand, apparently unwilling to be alone for too long, as was the case with most three-year-olds.

"Uh..." America glanced at the nations. "...they tend to argue a lot. It doesn't always come to blows, but... yeah."

Massachusetts ran out of the kitchen. "Delaware! We need to have a meeting of the Thirteen later! It's important!"

"Okay, okay! Nice to see you too, Mass." Delaware cracked a smile, letting his younger brother tug him to his feet.

America turned to him. "Del, when is everyone going to get here?"

"Well, Georgia and the other east-coast states will be here in a few minutes, and so will Washington and Oregon, since they were already on their way, but the far west states are going to take a while," he said, rubbing at his black eye.

As if on cue, there was the loud slam of a car door closing. A voice from outside called, "Hey guys! We're here!"

Two teens with blond hair entered, a boy who looked tired and slightly annoyed, and a very cheerful girl wearing a flowered headband and tie-dyed T-shirt. "Hi guys!" The girl waved.

"Dad. She made me drive here in her convertible! Her _bright yellow, flower-covered_ convertible." The boy seemed to be trying impress upon them all what a cruel, cruel fate this was. "2,808 miles of her listening to that stupid radio program, singing along to EVERY song, and worst of all, _talking_. Endlessly."

"Ouch." Massachusetts winced in sympathy.

"It was fun! George is just grumpy. He missed Cal." The girl smirked at this last part.

"When's Colorado gonna show up? I need someone sane to talk to," Washington sighed.

"Soon enough. Give it an hour or two." Delaware glanced at the clock.

Texas piped up. "I think California's in his room. He's sulking about his camera."

"Alfred... care to introduce all of them..?" England looked from one state to the next.

"Oh. Yeah. This is Washington, or George. Don't get him confused with D.C. It bugs him."

"Yeah, yeah. Now can I go find Cal?" Washington turned to America.

"Sure." Washington ran up the stairs. America turned to the girl in the headband. "This is Oregon—"

"Hi! My human name is Lucy. Don't mind grumpy over there." She nodded to Washington's retreating form. "He gets like that a lot."

"And this is—"

"Hey... I remember you... you showed up at a world meeting once! I thought you were America's assistant," interrupted England.

"Yes. Johnathan Frederick Jones, or Delaware, the first state. Dad made me come because he was sick that day and needed someone to pay attention to the meeting for him. Nice to meet you all." Delaware stuck out a hand, which both Germany and England shook a bit hesitantly. "I'm going to go find North Dakota, Dad. I think I know where she is anyways."

"Okay. Thank you. And try to avoid Virginia... or at least try to be civil around each other."

"Yeah, I will. But you should probably let all the countries go back to the hotel in D.C. It's almost two thirty, and they won't want to get stuck in rush hour. Your meeting ends tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Good idea." Alaska immediately burst into tears from where he had been watching in the kitchen. "...and Russia can spend the night," Alfred sighed. Russia smiled his creepy smile as more than a few states shuddered. "All fifty should be here by morning, so I can introduce them after our meeting."

"Good. Now I can go have some proper tea." England shot America a look. "How you can possibly not have any in your house is beyond me."

"Shut up, Iggy, or I'll dump tea on your head again."

Massachusetts snickered. "I was a genius when I was little."

"Yeah. What happened since?" Texas knocked on the side of his brother's head.

"Hey!"

"Come on, guys." America turned to lead the nations out. "Oh, don't go in the basement. Washington and Colorado get into some weird stuff down there."

"...weird how?" England gave America a look.

"Uh... like, Mattie's brownies weird."

"What?!"

"They're strange kids."

England rolled his eyes. "Alfred, everything about you is strange. Including your family."

"_Especially_ our family," Texas said with a glance at the other states.

-**SOMEDAY I WILL LEARN THE ART OF LINE BREAKS-**

**Prussia:... so what did America say to Russia? You know, in the beginning.**

**Rambler: I refuse to say. I shall let you use your imagination. …poor America.**

**Prussia: *thinks* ... I NEED BRAIN BLEACH OH GOTT IN HIMMEL MENTAL IMAGES**

**...let's move on, now.**

**('Gott in himmel' is God in heaven ...I don't know the word for 'in' in German... so yeah... I fail.)**

**NOTES:**

**-The first rocket to put humans on the moon was built in Huntsville, Alabama. And Florida (specifically Cape Canaveral) is where a lot of space shuttles are launched. So those two are rocket buddies!**

**-I made Delaware a little mean in the beginning, because I think he and Ginny *stabbed by Virginia* would argue a lot, but he really does love his siblings, and sees it as his job to take care of all of them.**

**-Delaware is the first state, for any who didn't know. (I actually only learned that because I've read so many states fics... I am a horrible American.)**

**-Virginia is the tenth state, but the first colony.**

**-...don't judge the impossibly fast drive from Oregon to Virginia. This is Hetalia. Nothing makes sense.**

**-Alfred's house in Virginia near D.C. would be 2808 miles from Portland, Oregon. (Thank you, Google Maps...)**

**-Washington is kinda grumpy. I attribute this to the fact that it rains a lot there. Oregon, while also rainy, seems to be a bit more cheery.**

**-Washington and Colorado have both legalized medical m***. So they hang out together in the basement.**

**REVIEWS:**

**I FORGOT YOUR COOKIES LAST TIME (::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)**

**I'M SORRY.**

**Mew Mew Boudica: How did I do on Oregon? I'm planning on elaborating more on her later, (like I am with like half of them...) but you see some of her personality here. Thanks for your help— I really appreciate it!**

**TooMuchSarcasm: I had just asked my best friend what I should do for Vermont when I got the email about your review... Are you stalking me? Just kidding. Oh, and cool pen name!**

**BlueGerenuk: Pennsylvania was meant to be in this chapter, but I decided to move stuff around... so next chapter, for sure! And glad you like it!**

**Barcha: We shall see... I'm trying to work that in, I promise. Next chapter will deal heavily with the original thirteen and relations with England... but I won't say any more than that!**

**Fleeting-Whispers: Yay! Glad you like her. I want her to have more action, but I didn't mention her in this chapter, and she probably won't have much say in the next one either... but I'll try to give her a bigger appearance somewhere!**

**MasakiHikaru: You rock. Seriously. Thanks for enjoying my story— I like making people happy! And yes, they are cute, aren't they?**

**Guest: Aw, thanks! I'll try!**

**Rosemary: Yeah, she's one of my favorite characters. And shhh! Don't let him hear you call him Ginny! *Tackled* Too late...**

**ProudCanadianGal101:  
Rambler: Really? Yay!  
Prussia: There is no higher honor.  
Rambler: He's right... thank you so much!**

**Czech19alfredo: I didn't get them in this chapter, and next chapter I'm doing something different, but soon I'll add them—I promise!**

**Holy shiitake mushrooms that was a long A/N...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ughhhhhhhh my computer was being screwy, so this wouldn't upload right... I had it ready early and everything! TДT I AM SO SO SORRY!**

**I enjoyed writing this chapter, I have to say. ^.^**

Hetalia isn't mine, but the states are!

CH. 5

"Quit hogging the bed!"

"Guys, shush! The little kids are gonna hear us! What if they wake up?"

"I'm cold..."

"Remind me again why this meeting is being held in Virginia's room?"

"Because my room is the furthest from the other states' rooms." Virginia looked up from where he and his two golden retrievers, Star and Stripe, were sprawled on the bed. "We're less likely to wake everyone up this way."

"Ugh... geez, your cat scratched me again!" Massachusetts grabbed his injured hand. "Owwww..."

"He doesn't like you. Richmond is a very smart cat." The small black kitten leapt up onto the bed. Virginia started scratching behind his ears. Richmond purred. "Now, Del?"

Delaware nodded. Despite their siblings and father's beliefs (and their matching black eyes), the two _could _act civil around each other most of the time. "Yeah, okay. Everyone quiet down so we can start the meeting. I'll take attendance."

"Although there isn't much purpose to that..." New York added under his breath./div

Delaware shot him a look. "I heard that. Ginny?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! ...here."

"Mass?"

""Here. And still cold," the green-eyed state complained

"New Hampshire?"

"Here." A boy with green eyes and brown hair elbowed New York. "Move over!"

"Maryland?"

Maryland nodded.

"Nettie?"

A girl with curly brown hair shot a look at him. "It's Connecticut, please. And here."

"Rhode Island? Thanks for stopping the water war."

"Here."

"Obviously I'm here, so Nora?"

"Here!"

"South Carolina? Nice job on the water war, by the way, guys."

"Here."

"New Jersey?"

There was silence.

"He's here. He just doesn't want to talk because he and NY have a bet going or something," Massachusetts supplied. The dark-hakred boy beside him nodded, still not making a sound.

"NY?"

"Yeah, yeah. Here."

"Pennsylvania?"

"Ohio is being annoying again. Can we do something about her?" A girl who looked like a brown-haired version of Ohio crossed her arms.

"...okay, you're here. And last but not least, Georgia?"

""Here." A girl with incredibly curly dark hair nodded.

"Okay. Meeting of the Thirteen, number... 906, I think... is now called to order. Mass, why are we having a meeting at one in the morning in Ginny's room?" Delaware ignored the kick aimed at him from the bed.

The thirteen states were seated in a ragged circle, a few on Virginia's bed, Delaware on the desk chair, and everyone else on the floor. Twelve sets of eyes went to Massachusetts. He stood up.

"For those of you who got here just now or this evening: England is here."

There were a few growls from the assembled states. Most of them weren't very fond of England.

"I propose we all come up with a way to get our revenge. We couldn't do anything when we were babies, but now's our chance! What could we do? I want to se. Him on fire, but NY told me that's not going to go over too well with Francey-pants. or Dad, really."

"Well, North and South already launched a war against the nations," Georgia pointed out.

"Yeah, but we don't need to attack them. We actually like some of them, remember? A lot of us have ties that go back to some of them. This is something we have against England, not the whole world."

"It's been two hundred years. Don't you think we should all get over it?" New York looked to the others.

"I heard Dad say the Brit still goes out and gets drunk out of his mind every July 4th. I don't think that's typical behavior for someone who's apparently 'over it'," New Hampshire argued.

"Thank you." Massachusetts nodded. "Come on, guys! Let's get our revenge on the Limey!"

"...I'll do it," Virginia said with a sigh.

Maryland nodded.

"But..." New York looked at his siblings, many of whom now seemed to agree with Massachusetts.

"I say we leave him alone. Nobody cares anymore," South Carolina said with a frown.

"I agree with Caroline," North Carolina added quickly.

"You agree with everything she says when we have these meetings!" Georgia said in exasperation.

"So? She thinks I'm right!"

"You two are both crazy," New Hampshire interrupted.

"We are not!"

Pennsylvania raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes you are."

"Well _you_ complain about Ohio constantly!" New York said in exasperation.

"You were indecisive throughout half the Revolution!"

Star barked. Stripe just laid down, putting his paws over his ears with a whine.

Virginia, Massachusetts, and Maryland sat on the bed and watched their siblings bicker.

After fifteen minutes, Virginia turned to Rhode Island. "Rhody? I think we should quiet them all down. We're not getting anywhere." Delaware nodded.

Rhode Island nodded and stood up. "QUIET!"

Everyone stopped and reluctantly sat back down in silence.

"Thanks, Rhode," Delaware said.

"You're welcome." The small state smiled cheerfully.

"Back to the original plan—we could try pouring tea on his head again?"

New Jersey wrote down something on a scrap of paper from Virginia's desk. Massachusetts grabbed it and read it aloud. "'Tea worked fine last time, but what if we kidnapped him?' Whoa, Jersey. You're more devious than I thought." He grinned.

New Jersey nodded proudly.

Delaware looked down at the ragged paper. "Ha. Anyone else remember the tea crate?"

"Those were the days," sighed South Carolina.

Virginia nodded. "Yeah..."

-0-0-0-0-

Time: War of 1812

Location: Present-day Maine

-0-0-0-0-

_Thirteen children, ranging from six to three years old in appearance, were crowded around an overturned tea crate late at night. A single lamp lit their makeshift table._

_Virginia, barely three years old, tugged on Delaware's sleeve. "I miss Daddy..."_

_"He's out fighting a war. They take a long time to finish. I know 'cause he told me about when he got independence from England!" Delaware told him importantly._

_Virginia stuck his thumb in his mouth, eyes teary. "But I want Daddy!"_

_Pennsylvania groaned. "Come on, don't start crying! The babies are asleep, you know." She pointed to the door that led to the only other room of their log cabin._

_Maryland grabbed Virginia's hand. "It's okay," the four-year-old said solemnly. "Daddy promised to come back real soon, 'member?"_

_Virginia sniffled and wiped his nose. "Okay."_

_"Hey! I got an idea! While Daddy's with his army fighting Mister England, we can come up with a way to help!" Massachusetts leapt up, grinning. He was about the same age as Maryland, but he had wild hair and bright green eyes._

_"What can we do?" South Carolina looked up curiously._

_"I dunno... We could have special secret meetings and come up with ways to help. It would be just for us—no babies!"_

_"That would be fun." Three-year-old New York hugged his stuffed sheep. "Babies are stinky."_

_"But I like them..." Virginia walked over to the doorway, peering into the bed all of them shared. He reached out and patted the smallest one on the head. "Daddy said this one's name is Wheezy-anna."_

_"It's Lousiana, idiot." Five-year-old New Jersey rolled his eyes._

_"Come on, guys! We gotta think of a way to help Daddy!" Massachusetts exasperatedly pulled his siblings back to the tea crate._

_"Wait! We should all write our names down, like that deckle-ration that Daddy and his friends made!" Virginia ran over to America's desk, then reached up, trying to get the paper lying on top. "I can't reach," he pouted._

_"Let me try!" Massachusetts stood on tiptoes and pulled out some parchment and an ink jar. Setting it down on the tea crate, he grabbed a twig and dipped it in the ink, then paused. "Do we write our names that are a secret, or our names that we're supposed to use outside?"_

_"Let's use our state names. This is a secret anyways, right?" Delaware grabbed the stick. He paused. "Rhode and NC can write their names, right?"_

_"Yes we can!" Rhode Island, the youngest, folded her arms indignantly and let go of her blanket._

_Delaware scribbled out his name. Massachusetts was next, then Georgia, then Pennsylvania, until only Virginia, New York, and Rhode Island were left. New York copied his name out slowly. _

_"You made the 'N' backwards, idiot." Massachusetts rolled his eyes._

_"It looks fine," Pennsylvania assured him. "Rhody, it's your turn."_

_"What comes after the 'L' again?" Rhode Island frowned at the paper._

_"'A'," replied Delaware. "And 'N'."_

_"My turn!" Virginia grabbed the stick. He carefully scratched out the letters he had learned from looking at Daddy's map._

_"New Jersey laughed. "He writes better than you do, Del!"_

_"Does not!" Delaware snatched the paper away._

_"Yes he does," Maryland told him, looking over his big brother's shoulder. "It looks pretty."_

_"Shut up... Okay, I'll be in charge, since I'm the oldest," Delaware decided. He put their paper full of names on the tea crate. "Let Meeting of the Thirteen number one begin!"_

-Present Day -

"Ginny was a really whiny baby," South Carolina said with a frown. "He got freaked out every time Dad left."

Maryland stared at her silently, his eyes burning with intimidation. Virginia glared at her.

"Uh... Sorry, Ginny." South Carolina edged away from Maryland nervously.

"Don't call me Ginny! And I was not!"

"No offense, but you kinda were." New York shrugged. "We all cried a lot, though..."

"Yeah. We have attachment issues, don't we?" Massachusetts glanced around the circle.

Virginia subtly nudged an ancient, yellowed sheet of parchment covered in childish signatures further underneath his bed and out of sight of his siblings. Everyone still thought it had burned along with the rest of their childhood home.

"Can we please just get back to the point? It's almost three in the morning, and I think NJ is falling asleep." Rhode Island pointed to New Jersey, who was snoring softly in the corner.

"How about we kidnap him and dress him up like Queen Lizzy?" New Hampshire snickered.

"Massachusetts grinned. "That is the greatest idea I've ever heard."

"...and the dumbest, but hey, why not?" Virginia shrugged.

Maryland nodded in agreement.

Connecticut scribbled down notes, playing with her glasses. "...we need Cal to put makeup on him."

"Okay, that's evil. I like it. But does that mean we get the little kids in on the plan too?" Massachusetts frowned.

"We may as well. Some of them have the perfect skills for this." South Carolina seemed to be changing her mind. "I assume we're having Washington and Colorado drug him? They know more about that kind if thing than any of us really should..."

"Yes. And Cal is good with stage makeup, so he can do that. And if we can get Mississippi to sew us a dress, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, Hawaii, D.C., and Alaska can help her out. But we still need to figure out what to do with him once we've dressed him like the queen." Massachusetts looked over the notes he had written down thoughtfully.

"Tie him to the roof?"

"Shove him in a closet?"

"Send him floating down a river in a burning Viking ship with a lifetime supply of cheese?"

Everyone stared at North Carolina.

"What?"

South Carolina scooted a little further away from her twin.

New Jersey (who apparently was no longer asleep) tapped Massachusetts on the shoulder with another note

"'We could put him in the meeting room closet so that they find him when they're cleaning up afterwords.' Seriously, Jersey. You are an evil genius!" Massachusetts grinned at his sibling. "We have a plan now! We'll enact it once they go on lunch break tomorrow afternoon. That gives us, what, an hour to work with?"

Just about," Virginia replied, doing the math in his head.

Maryland yawned. "Great. Good night." And with that, he lay down on Virginia's bed.

"Wha—that's MY bed! Go sleep in your own room!"

Maryland was already asleep.

Massachusetts put the notes down under a book so they wouldn't blow away. "Good idea..." He walked over and flopped down on the fuzzy blue blanket.

"Not you too! Go sleep somewhere else! Stalk New York, or whatever it is you like doing!"

"Nope. We're invading your room for the night." New York joined the others. "Besides, I know for a fact he sleeps in here all the time." He nodded in Maryland's direction.

Virginia turned bright red and gave up. "Fine. Just don't all squish each other."

The door creaked open.

Everyone froze.

A tiny figure dragging a blanket walked in.

"I had a bad dream," D.C. mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Virginia sighed.

O-0-O-0-O

America yawned, rubbing his eyes. He could already hear Alaska and Hawaii watching cartoons together and giggling like mad downstairs.

He reached the door with "Virginia" painted on it in green, then reached down to pet Star and Stripe, who were laying outside it. They licked his hand, their tails both thumping the floor. "Hey Virginia? I—"

He stopped.

Virginia was curled up on the edge of the bed, arms wrapped around D.C. Maryland had a protective arm over both of them, smiling in his sleep. Richmond the cat was purring contentedly from his spot on Maryland's head. Massachusetts was sprawled out on top of Maryland and New York, limbs flying every which way. New Jersey was muttering something, sleeping back to back with New York. Delaware was huddled against the wall. North Carolina and Pennsylvania lay across the others' legs, while Connecticut curled up in a ball in the corner. South Carolina and New Hampshire were propped up against the wall, with Rhode Island sprawled across their laps. Georgia was lying on the end, snoring softly. All of them were sprawled together in a heap of arms and legs. America was faintly impressed that the two-person bed managed to hold all of them.

Alfred smiled and turned to shut the door. His conversation could wait.

He just needed to have California take a few blackmail photos.

**-END CHAPTER-**

**NOTES:**

**-Virginia has no state animal. The state does, however, have a state dog, state bird, state fish, state insect, and state bat, so I see him as an animal lover. He can't pick just one favorite! **

**-No, Richmond isn't Richmond, Virginia, the city. Ginny just decided to name him after his capital city.**

**-The Thirteen refer to everyone else as "the little kids". Even the ones who are at most a only year or two younger.**

**-I tried to make their decisions on whether or not to attack England correspond with the opinions of each state's delegates on whether or not to battle for independence during the Revolution. (Thank you, social studies video...)**

**-Mississippi produces the most cotton (Although I also read it was Texas). Somehow my mind translated that into "sewing skills".**

**REVIEWS:**

**(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::) one for each of you. You had better share. I WILL BE WATCHING.**

**Rosemary: yeah... I went to Seattle a few times, and it's always raining it seems like! Oh, and the states have something to say:**

**[[Ginny: DIE YOU HUMAN Maryland can you please yell at the human for me?  
**

**Maryland: Ginny is cute. I like calling you Ginny.**

**Ginny: NOT YOU TOO! *frying pan*]]**

**levy fai: Aw, thank you! I'm planning on a LOT of states making their entrance next chapter, so maybe Indiana will make an appearance!**

**Mew Mew Boudica: Here. (::) this cookie is special. And thanks!**

**Czech19alfredo: By the time I post this you should have gotten them. Say hi to Quin for me.**

**TheLittleBird: —(OAO)— *SPAZZES* Really?! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! And sure! I hadn't come up with much for AR yet, but you got me thinking... I'll try to make her awesome!**

**TooMuchSarcasm: Haha. I actually think my Vermont will be a guy, but my friend and I were talking about the maple syrup too! You Vermont sounds awesome. ^.^ Quebec (and all of 'Uncle Mattie's kids' might show up in here... I hadn't decided yet.**

**Brackenfern: i would love to!**

**BlueGerenuk: Aw... Thank you! How did you like it?**


	6. Chapter 6

**It's like 12:30 am right now.**

**...what am I doing with my life?**

**Okay, I'm going to try something different and do review replies first!**

**(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::) **

**REVIEWS:**

**Brackenfern: Yeah... I saw that in my research. D: BUT Illinois is in here! I hope you like him!**

**dsarda12: You shall wait no more! Indiana is here! (And thank you, you're so sweet!)**

**Czech19alfredo: The England plan was Koala Head's idea. I asked him what he would do to grandpa if he could kidnap him, and he said dress him up like a princess. O.o (I tweaked it a teeny bit to fit Iggy.)**

**Rosemary:  
-silence-  
-silence-  
Maryland: I like you.  
Ginny: *scream of rage muffled by duct tape***

**Fleeting-Whispers: Oooh! Was/Is it a fun vacation? And thanks! I shall try! *salutes***

**Fruitstogether: OAO THANK YOU. ...holy shiitake mushrooms! You rock. I'll try to add Mississippi soon. This definitely helps A LOT.**

**Now, on with the show!**

**-Disclaimer: T.T Not mine.**

**CH. 6**

The nations all filed onto the meeting room. There was a heavy scent of pancakes in the air, which Canada and Prussia both paused to smell.

"What's with the pancakes?" Prussia turned to America, ducking to avoid the giant banner taped to the rafters reading;

_FLORIDA WAS HERE_

_TAKE THAT, NATIONS_

_PS: ALABAMA HELPED, TOO_

"And what is _that_?" England pointed at the banner, and the utter destruction beyond it. The meeting room was a mess.

"The pancakes are Vermont's. Peter makes epic pancakes. And maple syrup. Alaska and Hawaii pretty much worship him when he adds chocolate chips." America grinned. "And the meeting room is kinda normal for them... with 50 of them, someone is always getting mad and pranking someone else," he added while brushing aside a few strands of toilet paper.

"Someone will clean it up, don't worry!" Hawaii popped out from behind a chair. "Everyone cleans up after each other a lot, too."

"Yeah. The neat freaks like Cal and Oregon are always picking up after everyone," Delaware agreed, appearing out of nowhere next to America. "So... should I just send everyone your way? You guys do have to finish your meeting..."

_WHAM!_

"DAD! HELP! THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" The meeting room door flew open, and a boy with pale blonde hair and wide eyes nearly tackled America. Germany noted the spatula the boy held.

America went down. "Oof!"

"Seriously, Petey? What did you do now?" Delaware sighed.

"I said Indie had a funny accent," the teenage state mumbled.

"MONTY IS DEAD MEAT!" screeched a female voice.

"...you're doomed," Delaware told him flatly.

"Run!" Hawaii yelped as footsteps sounded on the stairs.

The blonde state looked around wildly, then dove under the table just as an girl with dark brown hair and gray eyes ran into the room. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she wore a basketball jersey. "Where is he?!"

"Uh... Vermont went that way." America pointed out the window, which was conveniently open.

"Thanks!" Indiana grinned wickedly and leaned out the window. "PETER JONES, I WILL GET YOU!"

"Uh... hey Indie? Can I introduce you to the nations, as long as you're here?"

"I guess." Indiana shrugged. "Hi Russia."

"Hello." Russia waved.

"...Okay, everyone except Russia, meet Indiana, Alyssa L. Jones. And the boy who ran through here and then definitely went out the window was Vermont. He likes maple syrup."

"HEY INDIE!" Massachusetts' voice could be heard from down the hall. "C'mere! And bring Monty! It's important!"

There was a sneeze from under the table.

"AH-HAH!" Indiana grabbed Vermont from underneath the table. The pale-haired state sighed and prayed for a quick death. She glared at him. "You get to live this time. But only because Mass wants us. Come on!" She dragged him out of the room. Delaware followed.

There was silence.

"She was... interesting," Germany said with a raised eyebrow.

"Ugh, you guys haven't even met the crazy ones yet." America groaned. "'Cept Mass, but even he isn't _that_ bad. He just asks to set his siblings on fire a lot."

Italy whimpered.

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled Massachusetts from down the hall. "I'll have you know Pennsylvania is _clearly_ a witch, since she's the most haunted state. She must burn! Plus she's annoying."

"...all of them have very good hearing," Spain observed.

_"¡Si! _Hi Spain!" Florida's voice was heard from above them. "I miss you even though you were kinda weird when I was a baby!"

Spain gaped, then turned red.

"Let's start the meeting. Quietly. In whisper tones." Germany glanced furvitively at the ceiling.

"Cool! A meeting?" Florida's voice was heard once more.

Veneziano and Romano both stared upward. "..._Mio dio_."

-I-

"Holy crap. You two are weird, you know that?"

"Shh! They'll hear you!" Virginia shot a glare at Vermont.

"But... but you and Maryland have all this spy equipment _just laying around_."

"Well, yeah. D.C. is way too little to be keeping any of this stuff!" Virginia looked at his sibling like he was crazy.

Vermont looked like he was trying to process this information. "Wait, D.C.?!"

"This is stuff from his FBI headquarters. Maryland and I don't want him breaking it ir getting hurt, so we're taking care of it. Now, are all the bugs NY set up working?" He turned to Maryland, who was sitting at his desk next to California. The older state grunted in reply.

California's eyes never left the screen. "I'm trying to hook up the cameras New Mexico helped me install."

A little girl who looked like she could be Arizona's twin ran over. "Wait! You forgot to do this." She typed in a code, and a black and white image of the meeting room crackled into focus on Maryland's laptop.

"Yes!" California high-fived his little sister.

Maryland plugged a speaker into a small device on his bed, and all twenty-three states in the room heard the sound of France trying to molest someone, England talking to his fairies about peanut butter, their dad and Italy raving on about pasta with meatballs, and poor Germany trying desperately to retain some form of order.

"_Target in sight. Over._" A girl's voice came through the walkie-talkie on Maryland's bed.

Massachusetts dove for it. "Good! Are you prepared to serve your country and get revenge? Over."

"_Preparing to start distraction, sir! I'm going in. Over and out._"

All eyes went to the computer in California's lap. On the screen, a girl about Indiana's age banged open the door. She had bright blonde hair, and the same ...endowments as Ukraine. Her voice came over the speaker. "_Who wants some cheese?!_"

The girl held up a platter of assorted cheeses proudly.

On the screen, all the nations froze.

America looked up. "_...Wisconsin?"_

"_Hey Dad! I brought you some cheese, in case you guys were hungry. And New York sent 'The Elixir of Life'."_ She rolled her eyes at the last part, holding up a coffee pot.

New York glared at the screen. "Coffee is obviously the greatest thing on earth. Why doesn't she get it?!"

"...I believe you." Massachusetts patted him on the shoulder.

"Shh! We won't hear what they're saying!"

Everyone's gaze went back to the screen. Wisconsin was now handing out cheese to the nations. Massachusetts kept his eyes on Hawaii. "The kid had better remember the plan."

Just then, Hawaii snuck over to England's seat, and in the commotion, snatched up his papers and raced out the door unseen by all but Wisconsin.

"Yes! Phase one accomplished!" California punched the air and spun his desk chair around. Nevada snickered.

Wisconsin appeared to be leaving, her task of distracting the others now complete.

The chaos resumed, and everyone watched as Russia proceeded to lift America several inches off the ground and hug him.

A boy with jet-black hair scowled. "Can we include Russia in the plan? I still think we should teach him a lesson about targeting my city."

"Not happening, Illinois. That wouldn't fly too well with Alaska. Or Dad, for that matter." New York cast a pointed look at America, who appeared to be completely fine with Russia's crushing death hug. He was smiling slightly.

"Fine. I'll get him back myself when this is over."

New York stood up to examine the computer's connection when he tripped and smacked his nose on Maryland's bed. "Ow!"

He bent down and picked up the object that had tripped him. "...Ginny, are these your pants? He glanced over at his older brother.

Virginia turned bright red. "I... I... Don't call me that!"

Maryland just looked at New York, a long, deadpan stare.

"Ugh, you know what? I don't think I want to know." New York shuddered.

Just then, Wisconsin ran in, carrying Hawaii on her shoulders. The toddler held her thick stack of papers proudly. "We got 'em!"

"Awesome. Now we know he'll come back to the meeting room during break. This report is important, so I'm sure he'll notice it's missing." Connecticut took the papers, scribbling on her notepad furiously.

Massachusetts turned to the computer with a wicked grin. "And now we wait..."

"I'm getting out of here for a while," Vermont said, and turned to the door. "We don't have anything else to finish, so I'm going to go find Uncle Mattie and help him make some food for the nations.

And with that Vermont went to find Canada and make pancakes. With extra maple syrup.

**-END CHAPTER-**

**Prussia: Mmmm... Mattie... Yummy.**

**Rambler: Um...**

**Prussia: I meant—um—Mattie's pancakes! Yeah. *blushing bright red***

**-silence-**

**Prussia: HEY DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW THE AWESOME ME DOES NOT BLUSH.**

**NOTES:**

**-Portland, Oregon and San Jose, California are ranked the cleanest cities in the U.S. (Others: Columbus OH, Buffalo NY, and San Francisco.)**

**-Everyone says people from Indiana have a weird accent, but I've never noticed it****. When I asked my friend from there, she got really offended. Indiana's reaction is hers.**

**-Basketball is a big sport in Indiana. So she wears a baseball jersey sometimes. (She says she looks cute in them).**

**-Florida belonged to Spain for some time.**

**-Vermont is the biggest maple syrup producer in the U.S.**

**-Google was invented in California, as was Apple. So Cal knows his way around tech. Similarly, Microsoft was created in New Mexico.**

**-Wisconsin=Agriculture. Ukraine=Agriculture. Agriculture=…Ukraine's...I don't have to explain this.**

**-In Wisconsin they make the best cheese EVER.**

**-During the Cold War, Russia had missiles trained on Chicago. Illinois was and is very angry about this danger to his city.**

**-/o/o/o/-**

**Until next time! Love ya all!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I should probably mention this—not every state will be introduced to to the nations. DON'T WORRY. All fifty will still have at least one speaking line, but America doesn't have time to introduce them all. He DOES have a meeting to ****get through...**

**REVIEWS: (::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)(::)**

**Guest: YOU DO SO HAVE FRIENDS. *very aggressive hug* And thanks! I'm really glad you like it. ^.^**

**TooMuchSarcasm: Thanks! Vermont likes you too. ((Vermont: Want a pancake?))**

**Czech19alfredo: No way. If Ben ever met Prussia, I think the world would explode. 0.0**

**Fruitstogether: Thanks for all your help! You rock. ^.^**

**Rosemary:**

**–Russia: I do not ****hug just anyone.**

**–****Rambler: ...Sorry. **

**–****Russia: But you seem nice. *hugs***

**–Rambler: And yes! There shall be kidnapping! This chapter shall end with a frying pan over the head. ^.^**

**divis5: Oh, thank you! And is it horse racing or car racing? (Both are cool!)**

**l****evy fai: Thanks! I'm glad you like it.**

**45AngelApocalypse: ((America: MCDONALDS REFERENCE!)) Yup. Thanks to all your help (plus me texting my friend repeatedly for her input) Kansas in this chapter! ^.^ YAY!**

**CH. 7**

South Dakota crossed his arms. "This sounds like a dangerous plan."

"Aww, come on, we're just getting our revenge!" Massachusetts rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, South. We'll be fine. Even if we do get in trouble, it's not the end of the world, right?" North Dakota grinned at her twin.

"...We'll see." The dark-haired state frowned. He had the same enormous brown eyes as as his twin, and long, dark hair that was braided down his back.

"FRANCE IS AT OUR HOUSE!" A girl with long blonde hair ran into the room. She was a little on the short side, with a slight French accent. "He's here!"

"Calm down, Louise, we know that. Why don't you go fangirl about it to Quebec or something? I'm sure _he_ would actually care." Ohio rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. She was perched on the arm of the couch, next to Wisconsin. Most of the Midwest states were gathered in the living room, where Massachusetts had just explained the plan to those who hadn't heard it.

"I think it's a good idea." Kansas smiled, perched on the coffee table next to Kentucky. "Oh, and does anyone know what Mr. Russia thought of the sunflowers dad sent him? They were the best ones in my entire garden!" She looked hopefully at the others.

"No. I don't get how he likes the stupid commie, anyways. He tried to kill me!" Illinois rolled his eyes.

Tennessee frowned from her seat by the fireplace. "Well... It's not that he likes him... It's just... Really, really weird."

"And Alaska made it weirder," Montana finished for her. He smirked, his eyes looking exactly like America's. "All of the nations are weird. Dad's not the only one."

"Do _none_ of you care that France is here?!"

Massachusetts sighed. "_FOCUS, PEOPLE!"__  
_  
The room quieted.

"Kentucky, stop making the conversation go off topic. Illinois, get over it already. Tennessee... Are you seriously plotting out the love lives of every nation on earth?—don't answer that. And yes, Monty, we could tell. Now can we _please _get back to coming up with ideas for how to trap England? Their break starts in forty-five minutes."

"Oregon and I made a chart," Tennessee whispered to Kansas.

"I heard that." Massachusetts glared.

Louisiana raised her hand. "We should lure him with croissants!"

"Or steak!" added Montana.

"I say we just hit him over the head once and be done with it." Indiana held up a baseball bat.

"That's mine!" Michigan snatched it away.

"Cheese would always work... Right?" Wisconsin asked over the bickering.

"I say we lure him with candy!" Nebraska took a sip of the red drink in his hand, grinning.

"I don't care how we do it. Just make sure someone cuts off _his_ supply of Kool-Aid. He's going to be bouncing off the walls." Iowa rolled his eyes at Nebraska. The two could have been twins, with their dark brown hair and eyes, but their personalities were total opposites.

Minnesota and Missouri watched in silence from the couch. They were both bored. Minnesota started humming. Missouri joined in, recognizing his sister's song.

Montana froze, his eyes shooting over to the pair. "Are you humming 'Wrecking Ball'?"

Silence.

Minnesota nodded. She looked like she was trying not to laugh.

"I HATE THAT ****ING SONG. STOP HUMMING IT!"

"Nope!" Missouri started singing at the top if his lungs. Kentucky and Minnesota joined him.

_"I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BAAAAAAALL_—"

"SHUT UP!"

Lousiana giggled. "Aww, come on. She _was_ named after you—"

"Don't remind me." Montana glared at her.

Nebraska lit up. "Remember that time when you, Maryland, and New York got really, really drunk, and you started singing 'Best of Both Worlds' in a blonde wig and a dress, and they were your backup dancers, and—"

"STOP TALKING!"

"I thought Virginia was gonna kill somebody after that one..." Wisconsin shuddered.

Massachusetts grinned evilly. "I still have the pictures Cal took upstairs if anyone wants to see them..."

"Ooh! Me!" Kansas snickered.

"...I take it we aren't getting anywhere with this meeting?" Ohio sighed.

Michigan smirked. "Nope!"

And with that, everything dissolved into teasing Montana.

A plate of blueberry scones (courtesy of Nevada and New York) sat on a stool in the pantry. A cup of England's favorite tea was placed beside it.

Massachusetts, New York, Maryland, and Virginia were all squeezed behind the door. Virginia was light enough that he was sitting on Maryland's shoulders, which helped relieve the squished-ness a little.

"Ugh, your elbow is in my eye!"

...Only a little...

"Shh! Mass, he'll hear us," New York shushed him.

"But Maryland's arm is in my face...!"

"Too bad. You're currently standing on my foot, and you're crushing a very painful area right now."

"I am?" Massachusetts moved his elbow.

New York let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I am. Sorry. Hey Maryland, you got the bag?"

The quiet state nodded.

"I hear someone! Shush!" Virginia peeked over the top of the door, the others immediately going silent.

A proper-sounding voice could be heard just around the corer.

"Really, Bunny? You found scones? Why on earth does Alfred have those?"

There was quiet.

"Oh, I suppose that's true. Some of his little ruffians might like them... What's that? Aww, thank you! You're quite right."

"He's crazy," Massachusetts whispered. "...right, Phillip?"

"...who the heck is Phillip?" New York whispered back.

"My pet turtle. He can fly. He's right there. Only you can't see him. 'Cause he's magic."

"...sure..."

"Shhh!" Virginia hissed as England rounded the corner.

The Brit smiled when he saw the tea. "And it's Earl Grey, too... "

He stepped forward into the pantry, hand reached out to grab the tea.

"_NOW_!"

Massachusetts, New York, and Maryland all fell against the door, slamming it shut and holding it.

Massachusetts and New York held the door shut while Maryland set Virginia down.

England could be heard pounding on the door. "Let me out this instant!"

"Ready?" Virginia looked at the others.

Everyone nodded. The door was opened a crack, and Virginia, the smallest, squeezed through and tackled England, making sure he couldn't escape.

The others opened the door all the way and ran in. New York put the paper bag over England's head while Maryland tied him up with Minnesota's hot pink masking tape. Massachusetts and Virginia held the struggling nation down. There were muffled threats from England, which went mostly ignored.

When England was satisfactorily bound, they stood back to admire their handywork.

"You wanna do the honors, Ginny?" Massachusetts turned to his brother.

"With pleasure. And don't call me Ginny!" Virginia grabbed his frying pan.

_CLANG!_

And with that, England's world went dark.

**(-END CHAPTER-)**

**NOTES:**

**-South Dakota has a very high population of Native Americans (So does ND), so his looks tilt towards theirs.**

**-Kansas State Flower: the Sunflower (Yay Russia!)**

**-Kool-Aid (the powdered drink) was invented in Nebraska. He drinks a lot of it. Which makes him hyper. And talkative. ...poor Montana.**

**-No offense to Hannah Montana/ Miley Cyrus fans. I just imagine Montana being a little freaked out by her. (But of course he secretly knows every song she's ever written by heart.)**

**-A lot of the Great Plains states have similar looks (brown hair/eyes) because many of them have the same basic terrain—plains. Everywhere. O.O (Not that that's ALL there is to the landscape...)**

**-Masking tape was invented in Minnesota.**

**STUFF:**

**One other thing: ****I might make that scene with Montana, New York, and Maryland getting drunk into a separate oneshot. Should I? **

**See ya next time!**

**Oh—****P.S.: I have swim championships tomorrow, and I'm really nervous. So wish me luck, please! I am NOT a good swimmer... *cries and hugs Virginia***


	8. Chapter 8

**IMPORTANT NOTES:**

**-since it's starting to take up a LOT of space, I'm now going to reply to guest reviews only here. Regular reviews will be answered by PM.**

**-I HAVE A NEW ADDITION TO MY FAVORITE PERSON LIST. (Don't worry—all you lovely readers are on it already!) TheBelarusAndRomanoFangirl asked to draw the states! They aren't up on DeviantArt yet, but I'll be sure to tell you guys when they are. She is awesome!**

**OTHER THING:  
-Queen Elizabeth/Lizzy is referring to Elizabeth the First. Not the current queen. ^.^ Just clearing that up.**

**I don't own the queen of England, or Hetalia—or Tangled (but I do know almost all the songs from it.)**

**-O-O-O-O-O-**

Mississippi ran into the basement, five of the youngest states carrying a giant bag after her.

Oklahoma and New Mexico, who both appeared about ten years old, pulled an enormous, multicolored, high-collared dress out and held it up. Arizona, Alaska, and Hawaii all straightened the skirt for the others to see.

"How does this look?" Mississippi tugged at her bangs nervously, looking at Massachusetts.

With fifty teenagers of various ages (and one unconscious nation) all in the basement at once, it was fairly crowded, but there was a wide circle around Massachusetts and Virginia (who had become the unofficial leaders of the attack).

"Holy _$#!% _that's awesome, Missie!" Massachusetts grinned.

California took a picture, then typed something into his phone. "Wow, almost an exact match for Elizabeth the First. You guys are good!"

"Thanks! The little girls did a lot of the stitching all by themselves." Mississippi gestured to the three ten-year-old states, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Arizona.

"Yeah!" Arizona beamed.

"I taught Hawaii how to sew buttons," Oklahoma declared proudly.

"And I stitched up this whole sleeve!" New Mexico bounced up and down excitedly, holding up the left sleeve.

"And you guys did a great job." Virginia smiled at them. "I think D.C. is playing in the stage room if you want to join him. You guys are pretty much done with your jobs."

"Okay!" Alaska and Hawaii ran off, the other three close behind.

"What next?" Massachusetts turned to Oregon, who was checking things off on a clipboard.

"According to Connecticut's list, we need to have the makeup ready."

"Nevada and I are almost done getting the makeup, but Ohio is really mad about using her eyeshadow." California looked up from his phone.

Just then, the door burst open. "I got the stuff, guys!" A teenage girl in shorts, a Johnny Cash shirt, and a floppy pink sun hat ran in. She was carrying several plastic bags of various beauty products, Hershey kisses, peaches, a DVD, and a lot of jewelry.

"Jeez, Katherine, where did you get all that stuff?"

"Walmart. You can find anything there!" Arkansas beamed.

"England is waking up!" someone yelled from the back of the room.

Everyone whirled.

_CLANG!_

Virginia knocked the British nation out with his frying pan once again.

"Okay, continue." Massachusetts turned back to Arkansas.

"I got you the candy you wanted, Penny! And Georgia's peaches." She handed Pennsylvania the bag of Hershey Kisses, then gave a bag of peaches to Georgia.

"Oh, and I got something for the little kids, too."

"Don't let Oklahoma hear you call her little," New York warned.

"Hey guys! Come in here a minute!" Virginia called to the youngest states.

A few seconds later, six small states were gathered around Arkansas eagerly.

"What did you get us?" New Mexico tried to see through the bag.

"Let me see!" Hawaii jumped up and down.

"TA-DAH!" She pulled out a DVD.

"Tangled! I love this movie!" Oklahoma grabbed it. "Let's go watch it now!"

"What's it about?" Virginia looked at the younger states curiously.

Arizona gaped. "You haven't seen Tangled?!"

The trio of girls looked at each other, then came to a unanimous decision.

"You're coming with us," New Mexico told Virginia, dragging him toward the stairs.

"You _need_ to watch it," Arizona agreed, grabbing his other arm.

"Yeah, just come on!" Oklahoma started pushing him from behind.

"Whoa, whoa, guys. I'll go! But only for ten minutes, and then I have to come back down, okay?" Virginia shook them off.

"Okay!" And with that, six children pulled Virginia up the stairs.

"Anyways... Colorado? Washington? Have you made sure he'll stay out for a while?" Massachusetts glanced down at England.

A boy with black hair stood up from where he and Washington had been crouched beside the nation. "Yeah. Trust me, he'll be snoozing for a solid hour, guaranteed." Colorado poked England with his foot, demonstrating just how heavily sedated the nation was.

Massachusetts grinned. "Okay... Cal, Nevada? Work your magic."

"What about a wig?" Arkansas inspected the list Oregon was still holding.

"All covered." New York held up a curly red wig. "I nicked it from one of my Broadway productions."

Maryland picked up the unconscious nation and dumped him into a chair, propping him up against it.

California grabbed a tube of lipstick and grinned wickedly. "Let the fun begin!"

**-O-O-StillCan'tDoLineBreaks-O-O-**

Everyone had been banished to the stage room until California and his carefully chosen helpers (Louisiana, Nevada, and North Carolina) had finished the makeup stage of their mission.

"Hey, where's Virginia?" Montana frowned.

"I think he's still upstairs. Maryland, can you go look?" New York glanced over at his sibling. Maryland was already halfway up the stairs.

He walked into the living room to find Virginia sitting on the couch with D.C., while the others sprawled on the floor in front of the TV. On the screen, a very handsome man with a frying pan appeared to be swordfighting a horse in a giant canyon.

"This is the best movie _ever_." Virginia told him as the heroine smacked someone over the head with her frying pan.

Maryland looked at him for a long time. Then, without a word, he picked Virginia up bridal-style and carried him back downstairs.

"Hey! That was the best part!" He tried to wriggle loose.

"We have work to do," the older state replied flatly.

"But frying pans and violence..." Virginia whined.

Just then, California opened the stage room door. "We're done with the makeup! Now who's putting the dress on him? 'Cause it's not gonna be me."

"Phillip says he isn't doing it. And that means I won't either!" Massachusetts smiled into the air and patted something invisible.

Vermont sighed. "I'll do it."

"And I'll help," Montana added. He wasn't going to let Vermont suffer alone.

**O-JustPretendICanDoLineBreaks-O**

England had been unceremoniously dumped into a sack, which Utah was yanking none-too-gently up the stairs.

"Where are we putting him?" Utah asked, hoisting the bag over his shoulder.

"The meeting room closet," replied Virginia. "That way they'll be sure to find him."

"Okay," the disproportionately strong twelve-year-old state replied without much enthusiasm. He was almost always emotionless when he spoke.

The team of five states (Maryland, Virginia, Utah, North Dakota, and South Dakota) snuck down the hallway as quickly as possible. North Dakota tripped twice, but they were luckily unseen.

Once they reached the meeting room, Maryland, Virginia, and Utah tried to shove England and the rather enormous dress into the rather small closet while North and South Dakota stood watch.

Suddenly, a voice could be heard whistling just around the corner.

South Dakota swore. "Someone's coming!"

"****! It's France!" North Dakota peered around the corner.

With a final shove, the other three managed to get England shut in the closet.

Virginia bit his lip. "Okay, ND. Distract him, you're the best actor of us all."

"Got it."

South Dakota and Utah dove under the table. Maryland grabbed Virginia and pulled him under as well. All four of them huddled together nervously.

France was singing a song under his breath in French.

North Dakota ran out of the meeting room.

_"Oh! France! Bonjour! N'est-ce pas une belle journée?"*_

The blonde nation blinked in surprise. _"Vous parlez français?"_

"_Oui! _All the purchase states speak it! You should really meet Louisiana. She's crazy about you. I think she and Quebec have started a fan club."

"...what?" France blinked in confusion at the rapidly speaking state.

"Seriously, I should introduce you to her. You don't mind, do you? She would love it." Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed him by the arm and started tugging him off.

Once they had turned the corner, Virginia opened the closet door a crack, slapped some duct tape over England's mouth, and shoved the closet shut. Then the four states ran as fast as they could out the door and down the stairs.

Once they were safely back in the basement, Utah turned to Massachusetts, who had been waiting for them. "Now what?"

"Now," he said with an evil grin, "we wait for the fun to begin."

**Very Long A/N:**

**I APOLOGIZE FOR THE BAD FRENCH. I don't speak it. At all. So if I'm wrong, ****please tell me!**

***Oh! France! Hello! Isn't it a lovely day?**

****You speak French?**

**England will be described soon, I promise! His outfit shall be revealed in America's POV... Because I can do whatever I want! MUAHAHAHA! But not really. Because if I could do whatever I wanted the world would be running out of Twizzlers from my eating them all. (Those things are my special food. I could eat them all day.)**

**NOTES:**

**-Again: Mississippi makes the most cotton (probably). I somehow translated that into sewing skills.**

**-Walmart started in Arkansas.**

**-Broadway in New York City is famous for its performances.**

**-Colorado and Washington are buddies because they have both legalized marijuana. The two of them know all there is to know about all kinds of drugs...**

**-for anyone who hasn't seen Tangled (is there really anyone?): It's a movie about Rapunzel. She beats people up with a frying pan. And her very awesome not-so-princely-but-still-charming "rescuer".**

**-"The Purchase States" means the states in the Louisiana purchase, which we bought from France. Basically the middle third of the US.**

**REVIEWS:**

**Guest: Aw, thanks! I think the states are pretty awesome too.**

**tris: I'll do my best!**

**Rosemary: Thanks! Phillip the magic turtle loves you.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh, my lovely, lovely readers: I fear the end is near. THIS IS IT. After this, I'll write an epilogue, and this story shall be done.**

**BUT NEVER FEAR! I'm not done with the states yet. (Gotta torture Ginny some more!) If you guys want me to, I'll start a collection of oneshots, starring the states. It would include the oneshot of Montana, NY, and Maryland getting drunk, among other things. My question is: should I?**

**And if you look up BelarusAndRomanoFan on DeviantArt, you'll see her very cute drawing of NC! And Fruitstogether wants to draw England's costume, and state chibis! Yay!**

**Now on to hetalia, which isn't mine!**

**O-O-O-O**

America frowned and paused in mid-sentence. "What's that noise...?"

"_Amerique_, if you have rats..." France started to draw his feet up onto his chair.

"No way, dude. We don't have rats. With all Virginia's cats everywhere, they wouldn't last a minute. Plus, New York is terrified of them. If they were here, we'd know."

The door banged open. "We didn't see England anywhere, Dad," Wyoming said, just loud enough to block the muffled thumps coming from the closet. He looked up innocently.

"Yeah! Nowhere to be seen," Idaho agreed a bit too quickly. "Anyways... You want some potatoes?" She held up a bowl of mashed potatoes, changing the subject.

Prussia, Germany, and Ireland all looked like they were going to say yes, but they were interrupted by yet another state.

"Lobster is obviously far superior to your potatoes, idiot." What appeared to be a mini Massachusetts rolled his eyes.

Germany sighed. "America? If you don't mind...?"

"Okay... Um, this is Idaho, Mariana Jones, and Wyoming, William Jones. And that's Maine. He's very... uh... "

"Temperamental," Idaho supplied.

"I am not!"

"Oh yeah you are, man." Wyoming gave him a look. "You threw a fit because you couldn't find the newspaper this morning.. Which you left in the kitchen."

"I thought Vermont took it..." Maine muttered.

"Um, kids? I appreciate the search for England, and the potatoes and stuff, but... We kinda have a meeting to be working on."

"Okay!" Idaho grinned. The phone in her pocket buzzed slightly, the agreed-upon signal. She bit her lip. She had to continue the distraction. "Actually, I was thinking, you should really all take a break. It's such a long meeting, after all!"

"Thanks but no thanks, kiddo. We just ate lunch twenty minutes ago. And besides, we'll probably only be at it for another half hour. Why don't you guys go hang out with everyone else? Wherever they're all hiding..."

The phone buzzed again. Idaho internally sighed with relief, and nodded subtly at her brothers.

"Okay. Nice to meet you all!" Wyoming waved, smiled, and dragged the other two out of the room.

Once they were safely back in Hawaii's room with the others (it was the closest to the meeting room), Maine looked around for Massachusetts. "Is the idiot back yet?"

"If by idiot you mean Mass, no, he's on his way." Virginia walked around a huge heap of Barbie dolls and over to the three states.

Suddenly, Hawaii's closet door burst open, and Massachusetts fell out, covered in black smudges. He landed on his face. "Success!" He cheered, slightly muffled by the carpet. He sat up. "I never thought I'd be glad about all those dirty secret passages. England has been better restrained!"

"Yeah... And you stole my stuff to do it..." New York glared at him.

"Aww, come on Yorkie. You love me and you know it." Massachusetts smirked and flying-tackled the younger state.

"Ugh... Take a shower, you're filthy." New York scooted away.

"You're getting my unicorn dirty!" Hawaii wailed. Massachusetts quickly stepped away from the stuffed unicorn that now had a black smudge on the side and sat back down in the closet.

Virginia sighed. "I can wash it, Leila. Don't worry about it."

"You're such a girl." South Carolina rolled her eyes.

"I don't seem to recall you complaining in the civil war when I was the only person on our whole side who could sew. INCLUDING all you girls..." Virginia glared at her.

"Let's not bring the civil war back..." Delaware gave a slight shudder.

"You border states went all Multiple Personality disorder on us. That was just weird." Conneticuit made a face from her perch on the pink flowered bedspread.

"Yeah, that was creepy. But Ginny, you do act like a girl." Georgia snickered, eating a bite of one of the peaches Arkansas had brought her.

"I do not! And don't call me Ginny!"

Massachusetts stuck his head out of the closet. "Hey, remember that time when D.C. was really little and he legitimately thought Virginia was his mom?"

"We agreed not to talk about that!" Virginia's frying pan flew into the closet.

_CLANG_!

"Ow..."

"I remember that." Maryland broke his usual silence. He smiled slightly.

Virginia was blushing bright red. "He was a baby, okay?!"

"It was adorable," North Carolina said with a little sigh. She hugged Hawaii's teddy bear.

"Stop talking!" Virginia looked like he wanted to kill someone.

"I think Cal has a video from the 40's of him doing that. You guys wanna watch it?" Michigan looked at California, who nodded.

"NO."

"Yes!" everyone else agreed.

Virginia groaned.

"We have nothing better to do while we wait for the meeting to finish. To the theater!" Massachusetts ran off, California and Michigan on his heels. The others followed.

Maryland grabbed Virginia and pulled him along. He wasn't leaving him there alone.

Virginia silently prayed for an early death.

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

America sighed, glad the meeting was finally over. He didn't know how many more of China's "subtle" hints about his debt he could take before he punched someone.

"Thanks for staying to clean up, guys." He gave a tired grin to Japan, Russia, and the handful of others who had stayed to clean up the disaster that was their meeting room.

Suddenly, they heard the same thumping noise as before.

France jumped up on a chair. "Rat!"

Both Italies climbed onto the table. "Where?!"

"I told you, it's not a rat!" America frowned. "It sounds too big to be a rat..."

The thumping came again. America followed the sound away from the table and towards the supply closet. He frowned again and reached for the handle.

**O-O-O-O**

In Virginia's room, all thirteen of the colonies were crowded around the security camera, holding their breath. Washington D.C. was sitting on Maryland's lap, holding the laptop.

"Hey guys?" New Jersey looked up.

"What?" Rhode Island tilted her head in question.

"I just realized that we're going to be in really big trouble..." He gulped. Everyone's eyes widened.

"$#%&."

And then the closet opened.

**O-O-O-O-O**

America stared.

England had been stuffed into the closet, dressed up like Queen Elizabeth I. He was fuming, twisting and struggling to escape. He had a bright red, curly wig on his head, styled into a towering—and frankly impressive—column, draped with pearls and jewels. His face was covered in makeup, from green eyeshadow to bright rogue on his cheeks. Pink and black bacon-printed duct tape* covered his mouth. Matching the green eyeshadow was an enormous green dress, with a ruffled Shakespearean collar and ridiculously puffy sleeves. The skirt had so many petticoats it barely fit into the closet. Tiny black shoes peeked out from under the skirt, and a pair of handcuffs stamped "Property of NYPD" kept his hands secured behind his back.

The other nations stared.

France raised an eyebrow.

Canada stifled a giggle as he took in the sight of his former caretaker. Australia flat-out lost it.

Japan stared a moment longer, then whipped out his notebook, new manga ideas already pouring into his head.

Russia tilted his head like a confused puppy.

The Italies blinked in unison, utterly lost.

America kept staring, gaping like a fish.

Finally, France ripped off the duct tape. "OW! Bloody Frog! That hurt! Now get me out of here and help me kill them!"

America shook his head, bringing himself back to his senses. His eyes slowly darkened as he realized what had happened.

"_**KIDS!"**_

**O-O-O-O**

Massachusetts gulped. "We're dead."

_THE END._

**NOTES:**

**-In Idaho, they grow a LOT of potatoes.**

**-There's a lot of lobster fishing in Maine.**

**-the border states of the civil war were slave states that stayed in the union: Delaware, Maryland (stay with Ginny or stay with his family? ;) I'm sure that's why he was torn), Missouri, and Kentucky**

**-*I saw this duct tape at the store the other day. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. (So if course the states have some.)**

**-NYPD: New York Police Department**

**GUEST REVIEWS:**

**DaLittleBird: You're welcome! I'm so glad you liked her!**

**Guest: MUAHAHAHAHA! I like evil laughter! ^.^**

**STUFF:**

**Some other things: Czech—I hope you know my boyfriend is permanently scarred from meeting you. Queen Quenn of Nerdingham—Alaska fears you. You're awesome! And Fruitstogether—I wanna see these chibis when they're done! PM me if you need help or descriptions!**

**See ya all in the epilogue!**


	10. Chapter 10: Epilogue

**As this is only an epilogue, it's very short. And though I didn't mention this before, this chapter is from the POV of two awesome guest stars—Sweden and Finland!**

**Man In Mirror: Thanks! I actually did know that. My grandpa is a major civil war buff, and he and I like watching the history channel together. *adjusts nerd glasses* I didn't know the part about the thirteen colonies, though, so thank you! I shall so my best to use that.**

**I don't own Hetalia (not yay) but I own my lovely states (yay)!**

**EPILOGUE:**

Sweden opened the front door and reached down to pick up the mail. He rifled through the envelopes, pausing when he spotted one addressed to him in blue crayon, with hearts and stars drawn all over it.

He walked back into the house and sat down on the couch to open the letter. It was written in crayon, with words scribbled out and misspelled.

_Deer__ Dear Mr. Sweden,_

Me and Leila are very very

_exter__ extra sorry for chasing you with __skwirt__ squirt guns. Virginia is helping me __right__ write this so we can say sorry. Also we __apollo__appili__ are sorry for being bad and stealing England._

Love,

_Alaska and Hawaii _

At the bottom was a drawing of a very tall blue stick figure with a frowny face, surrounded by hearts. A crooked arrow in pink crayon informed him that it was him.

Finland walked downstairs, yawning, and started to head into the kitchen for breakfast. He stopped and paused to look at Sweden. "What are you reading?"

Sweden tilted his head. He honestly had no idea.

Finland shrugged and picked up the rest of the mail, pulling out another letter, addressed to both of them in neat black ink.

He opened it and read it aloud.

_Dear Nations of the World,_

We, the states, are very sorry for kidnapping England and disrupting your meeting. We are grounded and being forced to write these letters out to everyone, but we're pretty sure Dad isn't going to read them all.

We are sorry about the water war, and the cheese, and the potatoes, and the fact that we made a lot of your days waaaaaaay more interesting and fun than they would have been if it was a regular old meeting. And we apologize for the fact that apparently NONE OF YOU care that we did make enough food to feed every single one of you.

Also, England, we sent you a gajillion apology notes and I think flowers. And probably some cheese. And maybe some potatoes and lobster, depending on whether or not Maine and Idaho got ahold of the packing crate or not. So be on the lookout for that.

And Massachusetts is sorry that he attempted to set some of you on fire. He was just bored.

Don't ever come to our house again.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Sincerely,

The States

Finland read over the fifty-one signatures, taking in the curly-cues, the I's dotted with stars, and the three scrawling toddler signatures that seemed to take up half the page with their backwards letters and shaky lines.

The two Scandinavian nations looked at each other.

"Th' kids 're strange..."

"They're crazy," Finland agreed.

Sweden noticed something taped to the back of the letter. "Wha's 'at?"

Finland turned the paper over.

It was a picture of England in his queen regalia, makeup and all. Underneath it was a scrawl of red marker, signed by Maryland, Masachusetts, and New York.

_Any of you mess with our family, and you'll be next. We can do worse than a dress._

**A/N:**

**Yeah. Every single nation got a copy of that second letter.**

**EDIT: Fruitstogether (animeartis on DeviantArt) made a SUPER cute Virginia! (Is it obvious that he's my favorite...?)**

**I'll have the oneshot collection up in a few days, titled "Virginia's Going To Kill Us". I hope to see some of you there!**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck with me since the beginning. Special thanks to Czech19alfredo for being my editor, and Fruitstogether and TheBelarusAndRomanoFangirl for drawing the states. My followers, reviewers, and favoriters—you rock! Over sixty reviews! I love you all!**

**Until next time,**

**Rambler**


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